Breathing Light

X Factor Replay

2009-10-14T09:52:00.002-05:00

How quickly things can change. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. Other times I think it is outside forces that make me think I am crazy. He and I are ending AGAIN. And I am heartbroken AGAIN. Why do we torture each other like this? Our love is like a battle. Lauryn really knew what she was talking about. I really want him to let go. For real this time.

The Root

2009-10-06T15:30:00.002-05:00

I recently (within the last month) joined a local gym. And I have reignited my love for working out. Particularly group exercise classes. I have made it a mini mission to try all the classes offered. This will help me mix it up and not get bored easily. It will also keep my body from getting use to the same activity over and over and again which could cause my weight loss progress to plateau. Right now I am committed to going to the gym a minimum of 3 days a week. Fortunately this goal has proven easy so far. I dropped an easy 6 pounds right away, and have been teetering back and forth with 2 of those pounds. My daily food intake hasn’t changed too much except I’ve practically cut out fast foods. As I make these small changes in my life to affect a greater change in how I love I realize this method works best for me. Tackle small goals and make them daily habits and I don’t see them as a challenge anymore. Just how I live.

I admit the last week I have slacked on preparing nutritious meals at home. So as I’m finding myself becoming a habitual gym-attendee, I need to focus again on planning and cooking meals at home. Inspiring Mama has some awesome 14 day meal plans on her blog. I plan to use them as a guide to planning my own meals at home. New recipes always jump start my cooking sprees so I will be researching some great soups and foods that incorporate yummy root veggies and fall foods. Sometimes there is nothing more comforting than a bowl of delicious soup! Well, besides a good yoga session.

Yoga is one of my new obsessions. Where has it been all my life? Really the question is, why have I been avoiding it. I’ve always been curious about yoga. Mostly because people who practice yoga seem to be a little too hype about it. I would think “it really can’t be THAT good.” Well I recently had to remind myself not to knock it until I’ve tried it. After my yoga classes I feel relaxed and invigorated all at the same time. I feel good about myself and my body. A surprise was FEELING the workout when I practice yoga. Last week’s class had me sweating. I didn’t know it was really possible. My flexibility has already increased after only a few weeks. I enjoy it so much and have incorporated it into my fitness routine. Once a week I commit to attending one of the yoga classes at the gym. I even bought my own yoga mat since the once at the gym smell like sweaty toes that marinated in the dark for 3 weeks unwashed. lol. I can just imagine the bacterial and fungal colonies populating those mats. No sir. I’ll bring my own thank you much.

On the love front it’s an interesting journey. He and I have really broken ground on some things we didn’t previously address. We have matured in a lot of ways and thankfully both realized we still have maturing to do. Our love has become stronger because of it. And more honest. This makes me very happy and gives me certain confidence that’s hard to explain. I just know that right now Love abides.

In reflecting on my live just over the last few months I see myself really working at building strong foundations in all areas of my life. Just putting in to action the things I’ve been saying I want to do. Doing them. And realizing the reluctance I previously felt was fear. And realizing the fear was of success. I’m learning not to fear the greatness within me.

Shimmy all the way home

2009-07-23T09:44:00.001-05:00

Today it rained. It was such a heavy and sudden downpour. my mind
quickly thought of my garden and how the plants would enjoy the
additional moisture.

Today was also the day of my first belly dancing class. I am starting
with the basics class since this is my first time taking it. Thus far
it is enjoyable and not difficult at all. I felt very comfortable
moving my body with such isolated movements. I was pleasantly surprised
to see such a diverse group of women in the class. The instructor has a
great sense of humor and I am looking forward to class next week.
--
Sent from my T-Mobile Sidekick®

Extra, Extra! Read all about it

2009-06-22T22:37:00.004-05:00

I finally sat down and typed out the bulk of my hair story. Stuff many close to me don't even know about. Check out a blog feature on me at Black Girl with Long Hair. Aside from blessing me with a great interview, that blog is super informative and inspirational. Check it out.

Part I

Part II

Love and Eternal Light to all!

What's New?

2009-05-10T00:04:00.000-05:00

Shutter Click & Chat 5/10:

What's new?! Show me something, someone new in your life. I've been gone a while and I'd like to get caught up on what's new with you!

For the lovely Tea and Honey Bread... Above is a picture of my new tomato plants. I'm trying my green thumb at some gardening this year. I'm starting my tomatoes inside and plan to transplant them to the garden in a few more weeks. I'm blogging more about it (and other life changes) elsewhere. If interested in reading my other blog just leave a comment with your email or shoot me an email.

BLESS!

Reflections

2009-04-16T15:09:00.004-05:00

I give thanks for such beautiful and inspiring people who cross my path. The last few weeks I've felt so revived. And I've been just LIVING. Motivation is high, but I must remain focused as well.

I went to orientation for my doula training. The first official training class will be April 25th. Before then I hope to do a little more reading and research to keep my mind and thoughts on what I'm trying to accomplish.

I've decided on a studio to take belly dancing lessons. The spring sessions overlap with my doula training so I await the summer schedule and plan to start then.

I have three weddings I'm excited to attend this year. One of which I am the maid of honor. NICE.

The weather is warming, the sun is shining and I have been trying to get outside to enjoy it as much as possible. The lil One and I have been reaquaiting ourselves with the neighborhood. The trees, birds, bugs and plants. I'm shifting more toward the life I want for myself and living IN it presently. My spirit is in a happy place right now and I find it hard to stop smiling.

I've also noticed that things have just been "working out" for me. I receive each blessing with gratitude. And give thanks to God for everything.

Right now I'm toying with the idea of moving my blog. Once I actually decide I'll post an update and let the regular readers know where to contact me in the case they would like to follow me to the new space.

Until Next Time

Bless!

Can't have one without the other

2009-03-22T00:38:00.001-05:00

This one is for the lovely Tea & Honeybread. This is my submission for the

Shutter Click & Chat 03/22: Two
Show me a couple or pair of anything you deem shutter click and chat-worthy.

The story behind this photo is kinda cute. The lil Prince decided he wanted to lose his gloves two Sundays ago. I still have no idea where those gloves are. He had them before church and somehow they disappeared by the end of church. Well that following week we had forecasts for very cold weather, including a snow storm. And my child had no other gloves or mittens. He has this knack for losing them. Well the night before the big drop in temperature he asks me if I found him new mittens. I had searched in vain and no stores (not even thrift store) had boys mittens or gloves in stock. I told him that I'd make him some mittens that night and they'd be ready for him in the morning. My lil Prince has a creative mind and requested before bed that I make red thumbs. He thinks I can do anything.

So I did like any good mother would do. I tried to make it happen. I put in a dvd and got to crocheting. Fortunately for him I add the thumbs last on my mittens. And even more fortunate there was some red yarn in the scrap yarn. So he awoke to some "really cool" mittens with red thumbs. I am sooo SuperMom. Needless to say he loved them. And as of today, he has lost one of those mittens :|

Memories of the Little Elephant

2009-03-21T00:25:00.010-05:00

The little one received a new book in the mail:

I did a video review of a Children's book and wanted to share here as well. Please check out the review and visit the website. This is an amazing book that I highly suggest all parents include in their child's library.

Title: Memories of the Little Elephant
Author: Nehprii Amenii
Illustrator: Nehprii Amenii
Publisher: Khunum Productions

www.nehpriiamenii.com

Tag and stuff

2009-03-16T21:51:00.005-05:00

Over the last month or so I've been in such a positive spot and then I allowed someone to take my joy for moment earlier today. I'm pissed at myself for allowing such madness to happen. And in my madness I lost my cool. And I really don't want to be that person. I don't like it when I allow someone to bring out anything other than the best in me. S0 I'm on a mission to get my chi back in order ASAP.

As I'm growing, I'm learning that in order for me to forgive others I need to forgive myself. I know I've struggled with forgiving myself for many years. Especially when I get in mode of focus. Right now the direction the Creator is taking me is so filled with promise. And day by day God's promises are manifesting in my life. It's like a party I don't want to ever stop. I have to make sure I enjoy every moment. And enjoy it presently. It feels good not to be filled with worry all the time. I give thanks for that.

I've been slowly cleaning and reorganizing the home after splitting from my former Kingman. We no longer live together. In all reality I love him and am trying my best to handle this split with dignity. But he does not seem to be handling it well and I must deal with the effects of that. I will say that I am very sure that not being with him right now is the best thing for me.

As I clear my mind, heart and physical space I feel renewed with a fresh sense of confidence in who I am and who I am becoming. I haven't felt it so sincerely in a long time. I've strived for it, but haven't felt like I dedicated myself to fully achieving it. If that makes sense.

I'm very much full of optimism and it's a feeling I don't want to let go of.

I give thanks to my Creator for every Breath of Light.

I dusted off the webcam and uploaded a video tag. Rather than ramble in text, I'll embed it here for your personal enjoyment.

I also did quick hair update via video blogging. Who says a sistah can't do it all?

...with the quickness

2009-02-28T22:39:00.008-06:00

Life has been good to me lately. Blessings overflow and for the most part I'm staying focused on goals (I bought a step machine!). Optimism is high, LOVE is strong.

I've been lurking sooo many blogs lately. I've also been buying shoes! Prayerfully more meaningful blogging will resume in the next few weeks. Until then, I'm still living.

Coming up for air

2009-02-10T13:35:00.003-06:00

I've been in transition mode. And for personal reasons I made my blog private where no one can read it. I even contemplated deleting it all together. It's funny how a person thinks they know you after reading a few words. And it just aches my heart to know a person can be so ill-hearted as to try and use some positivity for negativity. But I've decided God will deal with that and I cannot control their nature. They will be who they are and I won't let that change the woman that I am becoming.

With that being said, I miss all of you in blog land. Hopefully I'll be back soon with a proper update on the goings on and a fresh new look-o-di-blog.

I give thanks to my Creator for giving me strength

The Creators have been so good to me!

2008-12-14T22:28:00.012-06:00

Though this post won't be solely dedicated to my fly sistah over at Flytieonline, I need to give her the respect, love and appreciation she deserves. I can't even recall when exactly I found myself drawn to her. Probably the first time I saw something she had created. No, a matter of fact I think I first saw something she created for another sister and I AND to find out who it was putting all that creativity in one garment. Whatever or whenever it was I just know that now I have so much admiration for her and her work. And I think the rest of the world (or whatever part of it that reads this blog) should take note. And if you're feeling really good, go ahead and buy something of hers. I promise you will never regret it!

So just before Thanksgiving I received THE BEST HOODIE ever in the mail. I was ecstatic! See, I had been drooling over her Steppin Razor hoodie for quite some time. And as the Universe would have it I finally have one of my own. Please people forgive me for not having better pictures f the hoodie right now. But as I said before it's about time I openly let her know how much I appreciated not only her generosity, but her thoughtfulness and talent. The hoodie fits perfectly, it's in the most perfect colors a person could make it in. IT'S REVERSIBLE. Yes you heard right! Please somebody pinch me. What I most appreciate about it is the intricate hand stitching details she put into it. I know how much that sucks. But she didn't half ass it. Everything looks so professional and perfect. I only wish she had put her tag on it somewhere. I wouldn't care WHERE, but I would want folks to know immediately it's hers. I *heart* my hoodie.

Once I got it in the mail I immediately put it on. Then I proceeded to wear it three days in a row. Once on the green side and twice on the purple side. Since then I think I wear it at least once a week. Probably more, I just don't want yall knowing how much I repeat clothes. lol

T, thank you so much! I can't tell you enough how much I love this hoodie and how much I appreciate you. You are an amazing designer. Keep doing what you do.

In other stylish deliciousness I bought some fly earring from another etsy shop call www.Lunaversoul.com. People please peep the Dragon Fly Remix!
Take note of the asymmetry. Oh.Em.Gee! I wear these earrings with everything. They are quite the conversation starter. What I appreciate about this seller is that she was more than accommodating to my pesky metal allow sensitivities. And she substituted the hooks with gold plated ones at no additional charge! Go head nah! Excuse me while I rock 'em real hard like:

Also take note of the new hair do. I finally put some braid extensions in my hair. It took me 4 days! It normally would have taken me maybe one full day including breaks for food and bathroom. lol. But I was extremely sick. I had to take a two day break because walking pneumonia would not allow me to move very much. Being ill is no fun at all. And it reminded me once again I need to take care of myself. I was M.I.A. from work and got a late start in my new position in the Training Department. I'm feeling like so much has transpired since my last post. I hardly know where to start! Tis late in the day and I wanted to get these thoughts and such out now before my busy week started up.

I give thanks to my Creator for good friends, good family, LIFE, LOVE and Joy.

Inspired once again

2008-11-20T18:24:00.006-06:00

I must make this. I spotted this coat via random googling for crochet wearables more than a year ago. Ran across it again and I still *heart* it very much. I truly believe I can crochet a very similar version of this. My verson would be tweeked a bit. Namely, the bottom trim would be a different stitch pattern. I’m thinking the coat was done using the “top down” method of crochet. Top down is just was it says, the item is worked from the top down. I prefer that method for garments because it provides a better drape, the item can be tried on and sized as you go and there is little to no seaming required. Can you imagine this as a toddler coat? I don’t believe I’d ever WEAR this myself, but I could surely see some lil chica rocking it. How fly.

I've been crocheting bit by bit. I've had a couple of custom orders which are now complete. When this sickness finally decides to leave my body and give me back my energy I hope to work up a few things to add to inventory. I have only a few things left in the store, but that's a blessing since it means someone is buying my creations.

I give thanks to the Creator for the new opportunity unfolding in my life. Amen.

Yes, we can. And did.

2008-11-04T23:01:00.004-06:00

I'm proud beyond words to be a black right now. Not too many years ago I was certain that I would never in my lifetime see a day when a person of African decent would become president of the United States. But I am proud (of America) to type today that the time has come.

I don't know that other ethnic backgrounds understand or are able to grasp how deep today is for black Americans. We now have real, tangible hope. Nuff said.

Peace to all tonight. May God's Light continue to shine in your lives.

Feel Like Singing

2008-10-28T21:52:00.008-05:00

My lil one has been singing a lot lately. The bug has caught on because I find myself humming and singing to fill the quiet moments. I pray he continues to spread good vibes.

I need some serious rest. Everything is pointing to exhaustion. I know I need to rest but there is always something to do. Isn't that the quintessential dilemma of the black woman? So much to do, so little rest?

This past weekend was so amazing. I had such a wonderful time at the Women's Retreat. I learned that my sisters, mother and I have a bond that many people envy. And I'm honored to be a part of a circle of women who have endured, uplifted and pushed on over the years.

I tried to take lots of pictures. Here are a few:
Prayer before departure.

Being silly with my older sis.

Above is my mother in the foreground.
My older sister and myself enjoying breakfast.

Fellowship with the other young ladies at breakfast.
I made the purple shrug and sash you see above. The vision was my mother's I just found a way to manifest it.
I also made the blouses/tunics above.
More praise dancing.
Symbolic foot washing by an elder.

Enjoy and Bless!

Shutter Click

2008-10-19T01:03:00.006-05:00

This is getting kinda fun.

Shutter Click & Chat 10/19 a la Tea & Honey Bread
Food-Tis the season for stews and soups, slow cooking, crock pot filled comforting goodness. What's on your menu? Let's see some food. C'mon, you've got to eat something!

Above are a couple of family favorites. First is some delicious corn soup! The next one is baked tilapia with pineapple mango sauce on the side, brown rice, black beans and fried plantains. That's some good eatin'! That handsome young man is my lil Prince. He LOVES both of those meals. Well, except the plantains. He doesn't like those. What's wrong with that kid??

Children and Voting

2008-10-15T09:31:00.006-05:00

The following exchange is real and I could only WISH I was creative enough to make this type of stuff up. My Lil One and his Cousin (we'll call him T) had this discussion over dinner last nite. My Lil One is 7 years old and T is 11.

T is the kiddo in the red. My Lil one is across from him in this picture taken this past Mother's day.

Lil One: T, who you gunna vote for?

T: I can’t vote, I’m not 18 yet.

Me: Well Lil One gets to vote at our polls, they will have a kiddie vote. Maybe ask Nana if they are doing that where she goes to vote.

T: Well can I come with yall to go vote?

Me: I'm not sure if we'll have the time to pick you up. We'll see.

Lil One: T, can’t come vote with us unless he’s voting for Barack Obama.

T: (in shock)

Me: (holding in giggle) honey, you can’t MAKE someone vote for a certain person. He can vote for whoever he wants.

Lil one: Yeah huh! Because if he’s going to be in line with our family he gotta vote for Barack Obama. He can’t stand with our family if he don’t vote for Barack Obama.

Me: Um…

/End Scene

Yall pray for this child. lol. He just wants to see a "brown person who is assertive" be President of the United States of America. I can't say I blame him too much. lol

7 Things About Me

2008-10-14T10:08:00.003-05:00

Jewelry RockStar tagged me, so here goes:

1) I usually don't wear deodorant. I started this a few years ago and it's just kinda how I do things. I sweat and get funky like everybody else. But the only person who can tell on a regular basis is my Kingman. That's cuz he's the only one who gets close enough to me to notice that hint of musk. And he has no problem with my natural scent.

2) I no likey spiders. I'm super afraid of them. Something about 8 legs and the thought of them touching me freaks me the heck out. blech! If you want to see me cry like a beeyatch just put a real live spider on me. Actually, don't do that. I may pass out. Yeah it's THAT serious.

3) I never finished college, but am researching a few universities with plans to go back and finish a degree. Albeit not the one I initially started 10 years ago. Most people think I have at least one degree because of the work I do and how schmart um is. They also think that my previous college education was in finance when it totally isn't.

4) I think I have pretty feet. I'm well aware that my toes are chubby, but I think my feet are cute. Especially with nail polish. Awww, wook at 'em!

5) I don't shave my legs. Well actually I shave them every couple of years out of curiosity. I prefer them unshaven and no one notices anyway unless I point it out to them. I enjoy feeling the summer breeze as it makes my leg hairs dance.

6) I have a new found love for pantyhose. I was anti- pantyhose for years and years. I was such a rebel. Now that my company dress code requires that I wear them when I wear a dress or skirt, AND I love rocking dresses and skirts, I have started building quite the collection of opaque tights. It's been an adventure thought because all tights are not created equal. So far my fav are the tights I've worn from Target. Particularly the Merona brand. They are comfy and actually FIT. Yes ma'am that IS a paisley print dress with some navy blue tights and purple pumps. And what?

7) I don't know that I ever want to be legally married. I mean, it sounds good and all, but I just don't want to. I don't know if I feel this way because people keep asking when my Kingman and I will get married. I certainly don't want to do it so that other people feel more comfortable about us living together, raising my son (and hopefully his daughter soon) and having sexual relations. lol. Why do other people care so much? I feel like if I did get married it would be strictly for legal reasons like insurance, or benefits. But we do make a lovely couple don't we?

There, all done! This wasn't as easy as it looks.

Disturbula

2008-10-13T16:42:00.004-05:00

I haven't combed my hair in weeks. And I keep telling myself I'm going to do it, but every time I wash this luscious fro, the tiny coils get all soft and springy, I just can't mess 'em up. But at some point I HAVE to do something along the lines of detangling because I don't intend to rock one big loced fro.

I went on a lil road trip this past weekend with some ladies I went to high school with. We visited an apple orchard that also grew raspberries, pumpkins, and grapes. At the orchard we went on a hay ride that actually did not include hay. But the beautiful horses made up for the lack of hay. And I likely would have complained about itchy hay anyway. Later we went to a winery and it was equally as beautiful. Those are two things I intend on doing again with my family before the end of this year. They are suprisingly inexpensive and enjoyable. We had huge amounts of fun and I laughed more than I have in a long time. All the while I could not stop missing my Kingman. I REALLY missed him and looked forward to seeing him once I returned home. Absence really did make my heart grow founder. I even bought him a gift from Victoria's Secret, which he quickly unwrapped and enjoyed. *wink*

My little one seemed to have thought I was in a different continent, rather than a different state. I spend about 5 minutes on the phone with him trying to explain that I'm still in North America and Wisconsin is right next to Minnesota. He kept asking "mom why didn't you take me with you? I wanted to go to another continent, you said you'd take me". How cute and misinformed? Love that kid.

Keep on Pushin’

2008-10-07T14:55:00.007-05:00

I read a facebook status with that song in it and It’s been stuck in my head every since. Curtis Mayfield wasn’t playing mayne.

I just need to share a couple of things with. I want to express my deepest and heartfelt gratitude to the Creator for blessing me so wonderfully lately. As always, every need of mine is taken care of, but I’ve been manifesting wants as well. And the Universe hears me and responds. A gracious and lovely sista friend GAVE (yes you read right) me a foam dress form.
And the same day she shipped it out to me, she found another one at an estate sale that’s even better. And she wants me to have it as well. The second one she wants me to pay the same price she got it for at the estate sale. And I’m happy to oblige since it’s only $35!!! I’m elated, to say the least. But tremendously grateful for it all.

I also recently purchased a pair of earrings from a fly shop on etsy called AfriqueLaChic. Well I received them in the mail yesterday along with a second pair as an added bonus. Both pair are majorly fly and fit my style with ease.
On top of all of that I had my annual review at work. My direct supervisor/director had great things to say about me. More importantly he talked about how he has taken notice of how I’ve handled the many changes our company and department have gone through the last year. he also appreciates how I’ve become the “go to” person when problems need solving and work needs to get done quickly and efficiently. It did my heart well because there was a time earlier this year when I felt a little bit taken for granted. But I pray a lot about this job and the opportunities it has afforded me. So, he finally starts talking salary and annual raises. And that’s when he reveals to me that instead of the standard, company-wide 3.5% raise I’m getting much more (can we say 11.5%) of an increase. And I won’t go into exact numbers, but it’s certainly will be a noticeable difference in my next paycheck.

Just blessings all around! I’m a happy and appreciative camper right about now.

All this has got me to thinking today about how I’ve been consciously thinking about the things that I DO want in my life. It’s a continuous effort to stay positive, especially when bad things happen and people around me are in that rut. But I really do try to stay on the positive side of things. I believe more and more that if I fill my heart and mind with what I want I will receive them. And I do this usually through prayer, and just putting it out there. By putting it out there I mean talking about what it is I want for myself and my life. I talk with family and friends about what I want and would like to do. I blog about it. I say it outloud even when no one is listening.

I know the Universe is listening.

Emotional Rollercoaster

2008-09-29T21:27:00.003-05:00

Seriously, that's been me the last few weeks. Well the last few days for sure. I'm happy to find solace in my crafting. Unfortunately this digi cam (which will not speak ill of since it was gifted to me) is having issues with the flash feature. So all the pictures I've been trying to take come out dark. I've started new scarf designs that I can't even share with the www.
*cries*

I'm so proud of 'em too. I've gotten the hang of the button hole feature on my sewing machine. And now I want to put button holes on everything. This sewing thing is mad fun. Tis a shame I waited so long to indulge myself in it's thready goodness. I forgive myself though.

If only it were so simple to forgive myself for other things. I seriously need to lighten up when it comes to self expectations. I know we are our own worst critic. But there are times I take it too a whole new level. And as I type this in the dark, in my dining room there is a lil mosquito type bug stuck on the lap top screen. I know it's not a mosquito for real, but I don't know wtf it is. It's annoying, that's for sure.

Yeah, your girl is coming up on 5 years at her current employer. I already know what my raise is gunna be. It ain't much, but it's mine. And I'm very grateful to even have a job right now because I know of other people who are struggling something serious. And today I read an interesting blurb about a former employer of mine buying a former potential employer. And I smiled inside knowing that the peace I felt when the former potential employer thing didn't pan out was something real. The Universe was truly on my side. And in my heart I didn't really want the job so in a way I willed it not to happen. My spirit just told me that place was not the place for me.

My lil Prince got another 100% on his second spelling test! He's a lil genius. Although I think the spelling words were a bit easy. They were just the days of the week. But imagine my delight when he already knew how to spell Wednesday. I'm so proud of how he's making a very conscious effort to do well in school. He actually enjoys challenging himself. I pray that drive stays in him forever and ever amen. Tomorrow his class and the other 2nd grade class are taking a field trip to a local college. I'll be going along to help keep the kids from getting lost. My lil Prince is super excited about visiting a real college campus. I'm excited for him.

Well, hopefully pictures will be forthcoming. I need those pictures in order to list them and sell them in my shop! Argh!

Oh, and I think I may go with the goldish, yellow color suggestion by flytie for the set to match my purple peacoat!

For a limited time only

2008-09-25T09:36:00.003-05:00

After stalking the etsy treasury for the last three nights I have successfully made it in!
First Time for Everything

Hurry now kids, it's for a limited time only. Some of my favorite shops are in there. Flytie got a shot out for that gorgeous Tunic Dress she recently made. I *heart* it!

I've been pretty tired, and this freezing office temperature doesn't help. The moon phase gives me a little hint as to why I'm feeling this way.

I haven't crocheted a thing in the last few days. I kinda want some new yarn tho. lol. Think I'll work on finishing the crown I started a week or so ago.

100% Pure Love

2008-09-23T11:30:00.002-05:00

My lil Prince scored a 15 out of 15 on his very first spelling test. We told him he could get a special treat when we went to the grocery store. He proudly selected some Cheeto’s Hot Fries. lol. That child loves some spicy food.

In the last week I have sold two items! I am very proud of myself, but feeling the pressure to create more. It has been on the back burner the last few days since I’ve been making it a point to do some fall cleaning and organizing on the home front. Today I plan to fold all the clothes recently washed, and organize my sewing table which also sits in the dining room. I do believe I need more storage bins for my yarn and fabric. But for now I’ll have to work with what I’ve got. I need to get over this urge to save every little scrap of fabric. Much like I use to do with yarn. It just kinda piles up into a heap of confusing tidbits of projects (some gone bad) and it can get overwhelming. My mood is affected by my environment. And a cluttered or messy environment irritates me to no end. So the plan is to organize all this stuff and eventually get more storage containers so I can KEEP it organized.

I’ve been thinking about things I’d like to add to my winter wardrobe. Fortunately I’m already set as far as jackets and coats. I still have my lovely purple trench style pea coat. Which I still absolutely adore. But I’m trying to figure out what direction as far as color that I’d like to go with a hat, scarf and mittens. Last yearn I wasn’t exactly coordinating. I wore my coral pashmina scarf (which I still have and love wearing) and made some off white arm warmers. I plan to go the arm warmer route again since the sleeves on the coat are still too short. But the choice of color is stumping me. I could just go with a winter white again, or I can step it up with another color that would pop. Maybe a very light purple or stick with the coral so I don’t have to make a scarf? I may go yarn shopping today during my lunch break to see what I can find. I’m thinking wool is the way to go for this winter.

I’m definitely on the look out for more cardigans. They seem to go perfectly over my dresses for added warmth. I wear cardigans year round because the office STAYS cold. I’m sitting her now (yes, blogging at work) with cold hands. I have a pair of cheap gloves that I sometimes wear to get my fingers warm again.

So I was blog hopping and came across a blogger who kept posting picture of her Bento http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bento . Now first off had no idea what the heck a Bento was, but I loved how it had the lil compartments for everything and figured it would be a great way to maintain proper portion sizes for food.

I was thinking, man I’d love to have a dish like her lil Bento thingy. Well come to find out a Bento basically a single portion mean that traditionally contained, rice, meat and veggies. I’m like HELLO! Great idea, you Japanese folks. Lol. But seriously, I want one. I know there are various Tupperware contraptions that have the lil compartments to separate food. I think I may just buy one of those. Right now I usually have bunch of different plastic containers and sandwich bags to hold my lunches in. It can be cumbersome to remember everything and getting it to fit just right in my work bag. But the Bento seems like something I should have to maybe streamline my whole lunch packing process. So I’m on the look out for something Bento-like to fill that void in my life.

But what I really want to know is, what ever happened to Crystal Waters?

Out of Focus

2008-09-13T22:19:00.003-05:00

This afternoon I logged onto my email and saw that I made an etsy sale! It felt so good to see that. I'm hopeing I can complete at least one more piece this weekend to post in my shop. It's tempting to spend the proceeds from this sale on stuff I'd like for myself on etsy. But my master plan includes cycling the money from sales back into the shop. I plan to purchase more yarn and some other items I've been wanting. I'd love to have some fabric tags made to include in my crochet items.

Man, I just had a total brain freeze. I stared typing out this post wanting to make it about my shop and the stuff that's in the works and I'm sitting here unable to focus. I suppose it's time to get some kind of rest. Something I've been lacking as of late. Even when I go to bed at a decent time i have a hard time getting to sleep. I figure my body will force me to sleep properly at some point. Hopefully sooner, rather than later.

I think I'll brose some etsy shops until I fall asleep...

I Voted Today

2008-09-09T23:29:00.005-05:00

I finished a really cool looking beanie today and am now debating on if I should list it in the store. It's a monotone blue skully/ beanie style hat I'm sure some dude may like. HOWEVER I got to the end and was ready to crochet in the elastic and discovered I misplaced the last bit of elastic. WTF? I'm typically a "place for everything, everything in its place" type of gal. Even when things are a mess I meticulously put things as important as elastic in its proper place because I know I'll need it again. Well I cannot find it in the usual places and that sucks monkey balls right about now. Cuz this crown is real fly and I want to share it with the world.

Methinks I'll have to go to the craft store at some point this week or weekend and pick up a couple of things. I discovered that I have almost a whole mini skein of hot pank cotton yarn. Oh joy! How cool would a hot pink cloth set be?

So as I browse some of the shops on etsy I notice this shocking trend of folks selling "vintage" goods and charging retail (or more) prices. What is the deal with that? Clearly they have rummaged through thrift stores, garage and estate sales to find this stuff. And when did the 1990's become "vintage"? What bothers me is I know some of those dresses I see listed for $60 only cost the person about $9 but they are selling it for sooo much more. To me it's a rip off. I'd rather get off my ass and go find the stuff in the thrift store myself. I enjoy the whole experience anyway so maybe I'm just not a good target market for their "vintage" finds. But I cannot justify paying $60 for a polyester dress that cost the seller no more than $10 to purchase themselves.

So while I sit here typing out this rant about overpriced vintage goods I've considered selling thrifted items in my own shop. I believe myself to have a great eye for thrifted treasures and would love to have another avenue to share that with peoples. I mean, let's be honest, folks seeing me wear the gear is not as fun as them being able to wear it themselves.

As I contemplated a way to avoid being one of those sellers that I just ranted about I figured I'd just charge a flat fee plus the actual cost to me to purchase the item. For instance if I found a fly dress for just $4 I would list the item in my shop for the $4 plus $20 (not sure yet if that will be the amount) for my time, energy, and amazingly great eye for vintage deliciousness. I still keep a decent margin and I won't feel like i'm cheating someone. And if I end up offering this "service" via my etsy shop, I may also prewash each piece before selling it. That way the buyer gets fresh smelling clothes and know if it's actually stained or not. I tend to leave stained clothes alone anyway. I've learned over the years to avoid anything stained at the thrift store because it usually won't come out.

Hater's Ball

2008-09-08T20:29:00.011-05:00

I was browsing a popular hair site among natural haired black women and came across a thread discussing a youtube video. To summarize what I personally gathered from the video, there is a lil voice inside us that stifles our creativity. That voice shall henceforth be called the lil hater.

Now the preceding video, while insanely hilarious to me is right on point with how I've been feeling lately about my blog and my creativity. I figured, it had been so long since I had blogged that I better show some pictures, but then I was having issues with getting interesting and relevant pictures and that spiraled into more than a month of not posting. And during that time I had plenty to talk about. I have maybe two unpublished posts sitting there, well, unpublished because I felt like they weren't good enough.

I primarily get these thoughts out for myself. Something about seeing them in writing helps me sort through it all. And something about sharing them makes me feel a little bit more free and light spirited. But I certainly don't want it to become a chore or pressing obligation that causes me to procrastinate because I don't feel my blog post will be good enough. Self reflection would quickly tell me that it matters not what other people think, but how it makes ME feel typing all this stuff out and pressing "PUBLISH POST".

I've finally posted some updates in the esty shop. Which you can most certainly browse (and buy if you like) at the following link: www.BreathofLight.etsy.com

I'm proud of every item I made in that shop and hopefully someone else loves them as much as I do. I'm tempted to post about some recent etsy convos I've had over the last weekend. But I won't because I told myself that after I told my homegirl, that I was done and just needed to vent about it. lol. But yeah, that's on my mind and does the reader of this no good at all to keep referencing it and not explaining. I've digressed.

So I'm more excited as the weather cools about my Fall and Winter inventory. Oh, it has yet to be completed. But the crochet bug has certainly hit and ideas are flowing and eventually spilling out over balls of soft, purty wool yarn. I *heart* wool yarn now. When I first started crocheting I told myself I wouldn't become a yarn snob and buy all that expensive wool and natural fiber yarn. But now I can't help it. Cotton and wool yarn are just so practical when it comes to crocheting garments of any kind. And there are always wool blends (which I use most) that allow you to wash the item without accidentally felting and shrinking it. Cool beans huh?

Speaking of beans... (peep that transition) I've recently developed this intense appreciation for black beans. And I have a particular fondness for black beans and corn. And not that canned or frozen stuff. I'm talking about buying up corn on the cob, peeling all that hairy stuff (the name escapes me now) off, cutting the kernels off and cooking them up. OMGoodness! Talk about some tasty sweet corn that goes with just about everything. Especially black beans. Now I DO buy the black beans in a can. And I have realized all canned black beans are not made equal. Lawd that's a horrible pun, intended or not. But they aren't and GOYA is the worstest. It's like 50/50 actual black beans and then mushy filler. And all that filler (whatsenever it is) gets wasted because I always rinse my canned black beans thinking it helps reduce he sodium content. Why for so much salt to preserve food? I'm thinking soon I'll just buy some dry black beans. I buy all my other beans dry. This wouldn't be much different, right?

Anyways, the fam had some delicious veggie quesadillas tonight. I'm all cheesed out dude. But I don't feel as guilty cuz I threw in some corn (yes ma'am), black beans, spinach, yellow and red bell peppers, and cilantro. So it was sorta balanced if you disregard the high cheese content. But that's what quesadillas are, right?

Getting in the Way

2008-09-06T09:35:00.001-05:00

Frequently life gets in the way of blogging. Interestingly enough, it rarely gets in the way of READING other blogs. Flytie has been whipping up some amazingly beautiful pieces even though she keeps warning us that she’s in a funk. I wish I was in THAT sort of funk! Neosew Mama’s little princess started “big girl” school and had a fun filled first day. I’m sooo looking forward to seeing what kinds of school lunches she puts together. I could always use some creative ideas for my lil one.

Today I picked up some wool yarn to start some hats for winter inventory. As of late I’ve been getting emails and messages inquiring if I’ll still be selling items this coming cold season. Indeed I am! And those messages are motivation to go ahead and get started. I’ve used up most of my cotton yarn making face clothes, and still need to figure out some kind of project to use up my scrap acrylic yarn. Maybe some scrap yarn slippers???

I've purchased some wool blend yarn in some very basic colors and have started a heather gray slouchy tam. I can tell already it's going to be so cute. I better not keep it for myself.

It's the end of summer, going into fall. I've finally gotten a bike. I've had a chance to ride it a couple of times and look forward to much more time riding it next summer. I wonder if it's a good idea to keep it outside in the shed all winter. We have a large storage closet in the apartment but that's not heated anyway so it would still have to fair the winter chill. I'll have to ask Cussin' Crafter about that since her hubster is a bike expert.

As I start spending more time inside due to the cold weather I hope to have more frequent blog updates. And more pictures of course. I love pictures! And I don't have any good excused now since I have a digi cam.

Afterwards

2008-07-31T00:45:00.000-05:00

I finally uploaded the video from the lil one's birthday celebration. I'm the highly underpaid videographer (sp?) threatening the impatient party goers to give my baby a chance to think of his wish.

ANNNNND... I've started something with that skirt from my previous post.

I've turned a (wool?) skirt into a (wool?) purse!Yeah check out that pocket action. I decided to keep the pockets on the skirt as outside pockets on the purse. This makes for easy cell phone access. The original lining looked nice so that stays as well.

I still think it's missing something. I'm thinking some type of embellishment. I grabbed a book on how to sew flower embellishments from the library this past weekend. So hopefully something there will inspire me to make some additions. And I'm not totally sure I'm satisfied with the strap. I'm thinking that maybe some metal rings to connect the straps or something else. It's a work in progress.

I've been having these instances of deja vu quite frequently over the last week. I remember reading a year or so ago, that it is believed by some that deja vu is the Universe's way of letting us know we are doing exactly what we should be doing in that moment. I have had these visions in a while and I'm elated to be having them again.

God, I give thanks for the beautiful life I've been blessed with. Thank you for the positive manifestations in my life. Thank you for the positive energy that surrounds me and is in me. I pray that I can give it back to the universe in some way.

Lucky 7

2008-07-24T23:24:00.000-05:00

Last night I made tomato basil soup with garlic bread and a fresh baby greens salad. It looked delicious! And apparently tasted the same way according to the family. I passed on dinner because I had a hearty lunch (compliments of the boss) and wasn’t very hungry. I made dinner and headed upstairs for a great workout. It’s been a week and my body was feeling the difference of inactivity for so many days.

This morning I’m enjoying a juicy orange at my desk. I had tea at home and a homemade chocolate chip cookie my coworker’s mom made once I got in. lol. Ok, not the most nutritionally balanced breakfast, but it did the trick. Technically doesn’t the orange balance it out? I know I must be careful of telling myself “oh I worked out so I can just have this deliciously over sized piece of peach cobbler my Kingman made”. It’s not okay, especially if not eaten in moderations. Fortunately I have a great dinner meal plan for this week. Tonight I’m making bow tie pasta with alfredo sauce and shrimp. I plan to add some fresh broccoli, zucchini and bell peppers to the meal for added flavor. It will be delish!

My little one turned 7 this past Monday. We gave him a party on Saturday to celebrate. The kids had bbq hot dogs and chicken wings. My little one helped me back cupcakes and make fruit kabobs. He even picked out the fruit. I truly wish I had pictures of the kabobs, they looked so delicious! And the kids love them in the hot summer weather because the fruits are so juicy and cold. We used honey dew melons, cantaloupe, pineapple and strawberries. The kids decorated their own cupcakes with whipped cream and sprinkles. My little one felt so special to have family celebrating the day of his birth, and he SHOULD feel special. My mother bought him a plant as a present and he was elated. The last plant he had in his room died. It was a bromeliads and it may have been a bit overzealous to think he could take care of that plant. I have a hard time keeping MINE alive. I have 3 bromeliads left of 5. But this plant is pretty simple as far as care.

I’ve been having dreams lately that center on a lot of the things that I want in my life. In my waking hours I’ve started to just spend time visualizing exactly what it is I want in all aspects of my life. I will continue to consciously attract into my life the things that I so desire and I believe they will manifest. I've been noticing things happening in my life that are confirming I'm somewhere near the right path so I'm trusting my intuition more.

___________________________________________________________

YMIB is such and inspiring online site for women. If you are a woman, particularly of African Descent you should at least browse the site. So much information, love, creativity and LIGHT is there I have to visit the site daily.

Today I was browsing the posted blogs and came across some information about a program that helps young women gain access to better menstrual products. It's called Goods4Girls. I hope to make some cloth pads soon to donate to this wonderful cause.

THRIFTY GOODNESS! I keep meaning to post pictures of these great clothes I find while thrift shopping. Most of my wardrobe is thrifted stuff so I guess it would seem like a stretch for me to take pictures EVERYDAY since I love mixing up the pieces I find. Check out this snazzy knit vest I bought for just $2!!! The shirt, belt and skirt were also thrifted.

I've also been playing around with the sewing. I refashioned some old jeans into a long skirt. I used some stretchy fabric with pretty flower detailing for the panels. I am quite proud of this piece. It's perfect for the summer. The halter was a refashioned tshirt fro m last year. Stay tuned to see what I do with the skirt!

Tea and Toast

2008-07-07T12:00:00.000-05:00

Last week I conjured up a single workout day. The rest of the time I was either too busy or unmotivated. Today is a new day starting a new work week and I’m focused. The key for me is to remain focused. Sometimes I get too dependent on the fact that I’m a pretty fly mama already. Lol. I forget I need to MAINTAIN this physical flyness. Especially as my body changes and reacts differently with age. Over the last few weeks I've seen improvement in the middle area. I want to keep that up as well as get my arms leaner. The middle area is usually the first to go. No complaints there!

I started this morning with some deep breaths and appreciated the fact that I had no neck or back pain. For me that means no stress. For the last few years I’ve noticed my stress shows up in neck and back in the form of pain and muscle tension. Today I’m free of that and its confirmation that my mind is at ease.

I’m committing myself to focus on my breathing again. And I may as well add some stretching in with that. I’m now afforded the time each morning to have at least 30 minutes to myself. That is assuming I’m to bed at a decent hour. But when I awake it will be MY time to BREATH.

These summer mornings have reduced my appetite. In the winter I look forward to turning on the stove and making a wholesome breakfast. Now it’s so hot that my hunger does cry out for wheat pancakes, eggs and morning star sausage. Tea and toast are enough to waken my digestive system. However by the time I get to work my stomach is literally calling out for food. I think it just said “feed me Seymour!”

My hair is certainly growing. Now I’m beginning to wonder how much longer I can take it. I tend to fantasize about cutting my hair around the time my hair gets past 4 or 5 inches. I’m past that mark and still enjoying growing my hair but feeling a bit stifled creatively when it comes to how I style my hair from day to day. While at work I don’t want to draw TOO MUCH attention to my crown with large afros. And I tend to keep it pretty tame (based on my own tastes) since I

despise going into conversations about how my hair does that “cool” thing without hair spray with my coworkers. Also I’ve chosen not to wear my head wrap since being promoted because it does not fit into the professional image I wish to display at this time. So I’ve limited myself to mostly shrunken fros, stretched puffs and the occasional twist styles. Twist styles take more time and effort than I’d like to exert right now. What I’d really like is a fly cornrow style. Something that can easily translate to the professional setting but still gives me the creative outlet with my hair. Now, if I could just find someone I trust to style my hair for me...

This summer I want to continue to get out of the apartment as much as possible. My little one loves it. He’s always asking “mama what are we going to do today?” During the week he’s occupied by his summer program. So I know he gets plenty of activity then. So most of those evenings we come home, have dinner and maybe hang out in the yard a little bit. But on the weekends I have no excuse. Out of the 24 hours in a day I know I can spend some of it out in that sunshine. Besides, I love the chocolate glow my skin gets with a lil UV radiation. Lol. Which reminds me, we need to pick up some sun block. This shea butter only provides so much UV protection, and I’m no fan of melanoma.

Creatively I've been sew busy. I finished the shirts for my sis, mom and another young lady at the church. My older sis and the other young lady have actually performed with the blouses on. The following is a picture of my sis after her praise dance. She did SOOO good! Had me in tears.

In the next photo you'll see my younger sis, myself and older sis again. The dress I'm wearing looked a little different when I bought it (yet another thrifty find). The neckline is LOWer than I'm comfy with so I sewed a panel across the front with a stretchy cream fabric. Now I can wear the dress as is and not have to layer another tank underneath. Cool huh?

I had this idea for a shirt and just went with it. The following is the result. I still have some work to do in order to make it look more "professional". So far it's looking much how I envisioned it. And I just adore the color purple!

Finally I refashioned an already cute (at least I think so) vest into a more trendy one. I figured if it didn't turn out quite right at least I only paid a couple of dollars for it at the thrift store. But it turned out super cute. I only have the before picture right now. The after will follow soon.

Midsummer Night’s Dream

2008-06-27T21:25:00.000-05:00

Last night after the lil one was put to bed my King and I took a stroll around the neighborhood. We walked around the block as the sun was setting admiring the beautiful houses of North Minneapolis. The Northside gets a bad rep. Our neighborhood is lovely, safe and quite beautiful. Each street has a canopy of trees shielding the pavement from the sun and keeping the cool air circulating. We have lovely maple trees in our yard. And colorful flowers where an old tree stump use to reside. We looked at the other houses and yards and marveled at the turn of the century architecture surrounded by grass. There was one home that perfumed the air with fresh greenery and made me want to lay in the yard and watch the stars. The Old Highland neighborhood is perfect for us right now.

It was a hot night. We are trying to hold out as long as we can before turning on the ACs. We have windows on all sides of the duplex apartment and trees strategically shading most of them. So I figure if we have the fans placed just right we can get nice cross winds to cool us down, especially at night. Once the cool breeze hit me I was fast asleep. It’s hard for me to sleep comfortably in hot and humid weather. And Minnesota summers customarily are muggy. My afro loves it, my thighs, not so much. lol. I usually sleep in nothing more than my skin so every bead of sweat is evaporated by the fan pushing around warm air. I fool myself into thinking that the faster the air is dispersed the cooler it feels.

I woke up in the middle of the night to kisses from my Kingman. Each kiss was a raindrop across my back politely signaling me wake up. I obliged. And he made love to me as the moon peeked into the bedroom window. Moments like that make summer nights a pleasure.

I Don't Want to Wait in Vain

2008-06-18T09:03:00.000-05:00

I was reading a blog by a sista on YMIB and she was pouring out her soul and sharing a situation with her and her partner of 5 years. She said something in one of her comments that struck me so deeply. To sum it up my interpretation of what she said: she’s spent all these years waiting for this man and helping him become a better person and achieve his life goals while she’s put her own off. And now she’s finding herself resenting him. And this is how I feel many times in my current relationship. Not so much that I’ve put off my dreams for him all this time, but the culmination of this relationship and previous ones where I’ve been there for my man to show my commitment to him bettering himself and not really feeling it in return. While my current Kingman says he fully supports whatever it is I want to do, I’ve found that my goals still take the back seat in the relationship because the details of his life take priority more than mine. So I’ve found myself more actively pursuing my dreams on my own rather than the strong concerted effort we both put toward his.

While I feel I’ve grown as a person, as a Goddess, I do believe that I haven’t been putting as much energy into the life path that I want for myself as I could have been. I mean this is MY destiny right? That is something I'm changing. I know that my life will move in the direction of my most dominant thoughts. So my thoughts are on growth, prosperity in every part of my life, and good health.

On the creative front I've finished a cute lil baby set. A sista friend of mine from waaay back in the clubbing days has been blessed with a pregnancy. The baby shower is coming up and I had it on my heart to create something rather than buy something ready made. I used this lovely wool yarn that's so soft on the skin. This set was certainly made with love. I pray the baby girl enjoys it.

I've also started a project for my mother. She wants me to sew 3 tunic style shirts to be used for praise dances. I've started two shirts already and I'm worried one of them may be too small. I'm still trying to work out some details but I'm very proud of myself for taking on this task. I plan to take some pictures of everything during the dances so stay tuned for that. Making the shirts has got me really itching to make myself a dress. There is some really lovely fabric at the fabric store. But I want to finish this project before starting anything else.

Work is going well. Why are my co workers being so nice to me now that I'm looking at other job opportunities? lol. Well they've always been great to be around. The other job opportunity is still in wait mode. I should be hearing from them this week. I'm so at peace with this now. Basically if the price is right, I'll take the new offer. Otherwise I'll continue my search.

BLESS UP!

Getting this Tag outta the way

2008-06-16T19:34:00.000-05:00

I've been a huge fan of Neo Sew Mama since I stumbled across her blog a month or so ago. I spent a couple of hours reading EVERY post of hers. I was so inspired by her style, beauty and motherly sensibilities. She has some gorgeous babies who love tofu. Whew lawdy I could never get with the tofu, even as a vegetarian! A couple posts ago she commented that she wanted to tag me with a What's In Your Fridge tag:

Here are the rules:

Post the rules before the pictures/descriptions.
Take a few shots of what's hiding in your fridge..freezer...pantry...cupboards. The more the better.
You can either simply just include the pictures or even better give some description of what's in there...your favorites...where you shop..how (or how not) it's organized...and/or whatever else you want to include. The more info the better...yes...I like details!
NO tidying up! If you want to turn around things so you can see the labels thats fine...but no re-arranging or cleaning things up. The whole point is to see things the way they actually are...naturally. If there is nothing in your fridge show that... Just keep it real!
Keep the tag going. Pick 7 other bloggers to join in on the fun and tag them by including their names after your post and by leaving a comment on their blog letting them know they have been tagged. I think it would also be great if you would let the person who tagged you know once you have posted your pictures.

DUNN DUNN DUUUUNNNNN!!! Here is my fridge. I really don't like the hanging of stuff up with magnets because they ALWAYS fall off. But my lil Prince insists.

Yeah boyeeee! Check out that top shelf action. Complete with left over corn bread muffins, apple juice, orange juice, vegetable broth and left over turnip greens disguised as whipped cream. I see you garlic and soy milk peeking from the back. I loves you too!
Those next two shelves are interesting... More left overs, shredded cheese that I don't remember WHY I even bought it, some eggs, BEEF BRATS that my Kingman insisted I buy. He just asked me if I wanted the last one and my stomach turned. Twice. No thanks babe, that's all you!
Bottom shelf that typically houses my lil Princes lunch "stuff", salad "stuff" and my beloved spinach. MMMM juicey grapes are always good!

The crisper areas keep those bell peppers and onions crisp? As well as two lonely tomatoes.

The freezer is kinda sad. It's usually filled with more greens than that. lol. We got the fish sticks action, some chicken hiding under the forbidden ice cream. Get up on that pizza yall and then the cheapest waffles I could find.
Waaaay too much sweet corn. I know, I know.
Vitamins, oats and grits. Cane sugar used once ever. I'll give it another month before I throw it away.

Frank's Red Hot hot sauce is the best! The smell of salt makes my stomach convulse after the salt water flush incident. bleck! No black kitchen is complete without some Lawry's.

We love the honey wheat pancakes and other obscure non perishables.My beloved fruit bowl. We love tea, therefore we love lemons. That pineapple is getting cut up tonight. That will be breakfast.

There you go! All done. That's not everything, but we have so many cabinets with random stuff in them I dare not waste all my blog space with pictures of it. I shall pass this on to anyone who would like to participate. Please drop me a comment letting me know if you post your pictures.
Blessings!

I made something pretty

2008-06-09T21:36:00.000-05:00

And here I am second guessing myself. Not so much my abilities, but my desire to move in a certain direction.

I've been recently presented with a new job oppurtunity. I know that after the final interview this week they will offer me the job. I know this because I BELIEVE it. However, I'm not sure this is what I want. It's yet another step deeper into this "corporate america" thing. This new oppurtunity has the potential for more money, better training and other areas for advancement. Now I like the company I currently work for. It has great benefits, a great work environment and atmosphere, but I don't forsee any immediate opportunities for advancement. I've been in my current position for a little more than two years and I'm feeling as if I know this well enough to move on from it. It's no longer that IT thing for me. My spirit if urging me to try something different. A change of pace, if you will.

But I'm searching my soul to see if the new job with a different (larger, more corporate type) company is what I'm suppose to be moving toward. There are several unattractive factors about the new company. And several attractive things. I think it's about time for a pro versus con list. Because I'm feeling the clock wind down, this final interview is in a couple of days and I will need to make the decision really soon.

In less heavy news I've been keeping up with workouts several days a week. No set schedule but I push to get at least 3 days of workouts. Mondays I seem to get a workout in easy. And I try to get a workout in on one of the weekend days. That leaves me with 4 other days to choose from for my third workout. It's really not that hard and I feel good after EVERY workout. I haven't noticed any big changes in my weight or size. But I really can't be sure since I'm not weighing myself or measuring. Right now I want to continue to FEEL good about what I'm doing for my body. All that other stuff like pound droppage will come when it comes.

Oh, and I was tagged. I need to get batteries in my camera to complete the assignment. I hope to get that done next week. I was pleasantly surprised to get a comment from one of my favorite blogs tagging me, though unofficially. lol. So I'm much obliged.

Stylin'

2008-05-27T22:08:00.000-05:00

My prayers go out to any and everyone affected by the tornados over the weekend. I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like to have everything suddenly blown away. I think living in the city makes me take for granted that it’s not likely to happen to me. But I know tornados can and have hit in the city before.

Family time is some of the best time. We grilled at my place yesterday. My Kingman was such a wonderful help yesterday. While my mother, younger sister and I went to the thrift store in the morning, he cleaned the entire apartment and started cooking the food. And never did he complain. Our apartment is quickly becoming the family hang spot. Partly because we have more space than my mom’s place and my Kingman is allergic to my older sister’s cat. A brotha gotta breath, ya dig?

Lately I’ve been entranced with blogs and websites that display everyday street fashion. It’s inspiring and eye opening. Here I was thinking 80’s fashion was NOT gunna make a big come back, but after checking out this blog by Artistic Bling it’s all the rage in Brooklyn. But browsing these sites reminded me of how uninspiring the fashion community is here in Minnesota. While I don’t consider myself a fashion expert, I do take pride in my personal style and how it’s evolved over the years. I’ve found that my style is mostly inspired by the global community as a whole. I don’t have any hard fast rules that go with my fashion sense besides “no tight on tight crime”. Lol. My sister and I coined that term years back. I was browsing Hel Looks over the weekend and kept thinking “ok I’m NOT crazy for loving cardigans and skirts that go past my knees!” That site inspired me to finally purchase some tights (5 pair) so that I could rock my skirts and dresses at work and not break dress code. Ladies have to wear “panty hose” with skirts and dresses at my place of employment. My closet has several dresses that I love but haven’t worn to work because they show too much leg for me to get away with not wearing panty hose.

I stopped wearing panty hose some time in high school because they were so uncomfy and I would always snag them on something. I was such a tom boy, it’s a wonder I ever lost my virginity. Now I’m a bit more of a girly girl and can go a day without a snag. The real trick now is finding tights that properly squeeze over my thighs and butt. I must say, the pair that I’m wearing today have given me no problems at all.

I plan to re-read “The Secret” very soon. As soon as I find the book. A sista friend of mine is reading the book and it’s got me to thinking that I need to get my mind right again. It’s a great book to have around.

Spring has Sprung

2008-05-24T19:56:00.000-05:00

While I haven't really MADE a lot of things lately, the creative juices are still flowing in my mind. My heart is really focused on clothing design and construction lately. I keep trying to figure out how to translate my 2D drawings into a 3 dimensional garment. It is, I believe, where the magic of fashion design lies. Peek my first pair of yoga pants. I made the pattern myself. I'm loving that sewing machine.

While all this is going through my head I've found myself more engulfed in fashion and styling itself. What makes an outfit fly? I've believed for some time that 95% of a fly look is the confidence and vibe of the person rocking it.

The colors of spring have inspired me to play with color more this year. I find myself again trying to phase out the color black in my wardrobe. It always finds a way to creep in. I think this is largely due to my dress code at work and the fact that I don't want' my eclectic look to frighten off unsuspecting business owners trying to apply for loans where I work. I figure they are paying me to do this job and appearance has some significance. I'm willing to throw on some slacks and a blazer everyday, but I don't want to give up my total fashion sense. I actually like dressing it up a bit around the office. However, the image I put forth in corporate America is only one layers of my fashion sense and there are times I really grow tired of given THAT layers more lime light. But Monday through Friday from 8am to 5pm that's who I have to be.

le sigh

Looking outside my windows is so calming to me. Nature is just so beautiful. I just realized today that we have two maple trees in the front yard. I'm guessing they are two types of maple trees. One of them has reddish leaves up top and basically anywhere the leaves receive direct sunlight. The picture there is from a few weeks ago (Mother's Day) and the tree has since become much fuller and redder at the top. The other maple has typical green leaves. Both are very beautiful and I'm happy to share my living space with them.

The family has also taken advantage of the beautiful weather and gone to the lake a few times. One of the advantages of living in the land of fifty lebbin lakes is that you don't have to go far to reach one.

My niece was over yesterday and I happily braided her hair. She's such a beautiful lil girl but she gets in plenty of trouble at school. I've been longing for a daughter of my own for quite some time. And I don't foresee having another baby anytime soon (unfortunately) so I think I'll have to have my niece over more often and pretend I have a daughter.

Old News

2008-05-03T08:55:00.000-05:00

I was browsing the old myspace blog and came across a few that made me laugh or reminded me of some things I went through not long ago. I tend to use profanity in that blog. Something about myspace that makes a sista wanna cuss. lol

Reposts:
01 May 2007
Catching up with a rant...
Current mood: irritated
Category: Life

People who minimize MY issues just to make their own seem like thee most important thing in the world drive me batty. Where's the equality man? Being the victim all the time gets real old AND it gets you kicked off of Charm School. Nevaeh anyone?

I scraped my arm on a broken wicker basket this morning RIGHT before leaving out for work. Twas bleeding and all. So I just slapped a band aid on it to catch the body fluids seeping out. So my co worker asks me what happened when she saw my flesh colored band aid. Can anyone guess why she saw a flesh colored band aid on me? I told her what happened then she asks "did you at least clean it?" Uh that's a negative, roger that!

Someone complained that my locs look... well basically not so cute today. And it sorta hurt my feelings cause I was really feeling my locs today. What's with the notion that you have to do all this shit to your hair to make it presentable. I just don't want to put all that energy into my hair on a daily basis. I'm just going to WORK. Those people don't know what's going on with my hair half the time anyways. I didn't let the person know they hurt my feelings. Why bother, cuz they would have found a way to make their feelings more important anyway.

Why can't it ever be about ME?
"HARPO WHAT ABOUT MEEEEE!"

I mean can somebody, anybody pamper me for like a week? one week straight. And not complain and enjoy it like they expect me to do 365/52/7/24?? Seriously, I had an epiphany today. Not only am I a sister, daughter, mother, girlfriend, business services specialist... but I'm also a client, uh, I mean maid. Just call me Hazel. Or chocolate. DARK chocolate is more fitting. And sexy. hehehe

08 May 2007
feepee had a little lamb or "the one who farts with his arm pits"

I had a gyro for lunch. And I'm wondering if lamb counts as red meat. *scratches head* *sniffs fingers* MMMMMM! My head smells like a camp fire. I got this new Aveda shampoo which without reading the bottle I'm tempted to call "black fig oyster" but i'm SURE oyster is not in the name. My scalp and locs smell really good tho. Makes me wanna be like Becky and shampoo everyday. But alas, I'm much more like Bonequesha. Except if my head itches I scratch it. I don't do the pat the head cuz I don't want flaming scalp when I get my touch up tomorrow.
___________________________________________________
My little Prince showed me this new amazing talent that he has. He's extremely proud of himself because he practiced and practiced until he could do it. Many may have thought it could not be done. But he is a genius. Really, he is. He told me a while back he knows everything. And I'm sure he believes that. Don't shoot my child's dreams down. He is all knowing. And now he can fart with his armpits. I can't even do that! AMAZING he is! *sips on fruit smoothie with ground flax seeds*
____________________________________
Why can't I be like the tree and calm you with my leaves? Maybe if I'd just be still.
____________________________________________
UPDATE!!!! I get to keep MOST of my mother of pearly whites! I need a root canal. Possibly two but one is a wisdom tooth. I'm told a root canal on a wisdom tooth is difficult and it was recommended that I just remove it. *gasp* I have to think about that. I like my wisdom teeth, they have all been with me since I was 16.

24 May 2007
A CURSE 'PON BOTH YOUR HOUSES!!!
Current mood: In Pain

My sister says that to me sometimes. Well, she alternates between cursing both my houses and saying "yo mama!". It's ok. She was adopted anyways, so it's no big deal. hahahah!

Ok so I had that root canal this morning. On the real, I think I would have preferred if he had taken my tooth out. I can't friggin eat! I'm glad I ate a sammich on the way there or i'd be starving right now. But that's not the killer part. Cuz I could handle this involuntary fast if there wasn't anything good to eat. But I just made this bomb fried tilapia and jasmine rice thinking I could just chew on one side of my mouth. I've gotten use to that over the last few weeks. Well the problem is ANY pressure on that root canaled tooth hurts like hellifus. So you know the lil grains of the cornmeal find there way over there. And when I accidentally bit on that junk I bout cried. Partly cuz that fish is some good ishtar and partly cuz the pain made me wanna ball up in a corner with a knife and cut off the right side of my face.

I'd still be sexy tho.

I visited my lil Prince's class for a lil while this morning before heading over to the dentist. After they had breakfast and did there routine trip to the bathroom, one of the lil boys comes up to me and asks me to help him pull his shirt sleeves back down. So I noticed and commented to the lil fella that he had some ashy arms. Well dang, the lil booger actually knew what that meant. So to make him feel better I told him I have ashy arms too and proceeded to expose my ashen flesh. He laughed a little too hard at that one. I don't appreciate that! But I did my deed for the day by comforting a child who was fretting over the dehydrated skin. I should have whipped out some vasaline on him. Show him how it's done. But CLEARLY I did not have any or my skin would not have been in the state that it was in.

06 Jul 2007
Do dat hot dawg got pork in it?

That was the cry of my child the other day when I told him he could not have one. I guess he figured there must be a good reason for me saying know. And lately I've been explaining to him why our family does not eat pork products or drink cows milk and rarely indulge in dairy products as a whole. He thinks he's all edjumacated now because earlier this week while I drove to the gym with him and the nephew in tow, he drops some pork knowledge on the cuz. "pork meat comes from pigs and pigs play in the mud so you shouldn't eat it" Ok so he doesn't quite have the FULL understanding of why pork if off limits for us. But you can't blame the kid for trying to spread the knowledge. Shhhhh! don't tell him that his beloved carrots and broccoli come from the dirt. I need him eating his veggies.
+++++++++++++++++++
Tis truly a small world. When Paris Bennett's mama sings at your cousins funeral and talks about how they use to roll. You realize just how small of a world it is. Big Tiny was such a hilarious guy. And even tho the funeral had me crying and feeling sorrow, I found some comfort knowing that so many people's lives were touched by his presence on this earth. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From this point on I will speak/think/feel affirmations of positivity and Light into my life. Bless UP!

Excuse me while I take a dump- Brain dump

2008-05-01T01:20:00.000-05:00

Insomnia is no fun. Stuck here awake with thoughts rolling around in my mind...

Tonight I ran a very warm bath with drops of tea tree oil and some cocoa powder. I lit an incense got naked and relaxed. That bath felt so good. I dosed in and out of lucidity filling my spirit with positive thoughts and energy. This ritual should be performed on a more frequent basis.

Tomorrow I'm up early to get my lil Prince ready for school and stop by the government center to see about this speeding ticket from a couple of weeks ago. My prayer is that a county clerk will show a little mercy and reduce the ticket and be so kind as to keep it from showing up on my record.

After all of that fun I'll be linking up with my sis to help her move. This is a huge transition for her, but I fully support her and I'm proud of the woman she has become and is becoming. She is a big sis I admire, love and enjoy annoying from time to time.

The last few days I've toyed around with this lovely hand dyed cotton yarn I've had for maybe a year now. I can't seem to find the right project for this yarn. I want to make a fly summer crown for myself but I haven't committed to HOW I'm going to construct this crown.

After work today my Kingman and I took the lil Prince to the park to play. The weather was cooperating so I obliged my son's request for outdoor fun. He met another young man there and we sat and watched my lil Prince's impressive social skills. I'm so proud to see him comfortable meeting new people and making friends. I'd like to take credit for his confidence but he is who he is. And he's amazing.

I've put in good workouts upstairs twice this week already. With all the moving tomorrow, that will count as a workout. I may get another in this Saturday for good measure.

Friday evening after work I have plans to braid my mother's hair. Then Saturday she and I are going thrifting! I'm very much looking forward to that!

Fortunately now I'm getting sleeeeepy.....

Good night and God bless all who come across these words!

Weekly Recap

2008-04-26T11:56:00.001-05:00

Saturday: Lots of sewing. Didn't finish much, lol. But I spent most of the day sewing. Yes, my son's room was a mess, but he has the big mirror.

Sunday: I slept in pretty late and enjoyed every minute of it. Except the "not so feeling great in the belly" feeling. Fortunately my son and other half were respectful of my desire to sleep for as long as I could. When I woke up I made home made cinnamon french toast with eggs and boca sausages. It was an instant hit. I was motivated enough to workout upstairs for about 30 minutes. Later that day we went to my mother's house for some yummy bbq. The weather was beautifully warm and sunny. The kids has loads of fun playing together. I enjoyed chatting with my sister, aunt and mother in the kitchen. We were exhausted when we finally got home, but we all agreed it had been a great day.

Monday: I woke up feeling less than well and extreme fatigue had taken over. I sat in the bed for about 5 minutes after the alarm went off trying to convince myself to get up and start the day. But I decided to call in. I laid back down and my Kingman got the lil one ready and took him to school. I slept. The rest was just what I needed. My Kingman and I eventually ended up at the lake. We enjoyed the lovely weather and a stroll around the lake and had lunch together. After picking up the lil one from school we went home and relaxed. I decided to get a workout in upstairs for good measure. It felt great. It seems that every time I workout I'm more motivated to keep going. I feel great actually after working out. My body thanks me.

Tuesday: Happy Earthday!! My lil one has been looking forward to this day. Tuesdays we babysit my nephew for my mother. So after work and school we come home and have dinner. During dinner we all talk about Earth Day and what it means. My son says "it's about respecting the Earth!" Well said! We came up with ideas on how to be more concious of our environment and Earth. The kids really seemed into it. Afterwards we sat outside painting rocks into bugs. We talked about why bugs are so important. Even spiders (which I'm not a fan of). I suppose I should also mention that at work on Tuesday, a coworker blessed me with a knitting machine. I was very excited and truly grateful for such a wonderful gift. Hopefully this weekend I'll get a chance to figure out how to use it. I'm also hoping it will allow me to whip up some lovely baby blankets. Also I recieved a beautiful flower hair clip in the mail from a sista I know from Nappturality.com. I've worn it everyday since then.

Wednesday: Right now the only thing I really remember from this day is watching America's Next Top Model. And I remember thinking "why is this week going by so slow?" lol

Thursday: The little one had a field trip to the Science Museum and had a wonderful time. He really wanted me to go, and I really wanted to go as well but I didn't want to take anymore days off from work since I had been sick on Monday. My Kingman didn't want to go, which was disappointed. I wish he put forth more time at the lil one's school. But it seems he's just not as interested in parent involvement as I am.

Friday: The lil one did not have school so getting ready in the morning was a breeze. Work was very ho hum and I can hardly remember what happened there. Oh, for lunch I went to a Goodwill thrift store near by. I've been meaning to visit the thrift store by my job for a long time and finally just went. I scored a dress, skirt, a pair of pants for the lil one's uniform and an umbrella for him. All that for less than $19! By the time I arrived home my homegirl called me to tell me she stopped by the thrift store and for $11 she scored 2 pair of pants and some wedge sandals! Wow. Most of my productivity at work was during the previous days this week. I came home and made some delicious food. I made ginger coconut curry sauce complete with potatoes, onions and red peppers. I prepared brown rice, shrimp and chicken and poured the yummy sauce over it. My Kingman LOVES this dish. The lil one favors the rice and sauce and I usually have to make him eat some of the chicken. We chilled inside the rest of the night. The End!

Sew Inspirational

2008-04-08T13:35:00.000-05:00

Last night I managed at least 45 minutes of workout in the attic. The majority of that time was spent on the punching bag. What got me through was my playlist of “workout songs” which had some high, medium and low tempo tunes to keep me motivated. A must for my workout music is the ability for me to sing along. I don’t know exactly what it is about being able to keep up with the song. I know that I have a good time when I know the words. The music gives me a rhythm to move and swing punches to. Having music also helps the time pass very quickly. My Kingman says he thinks I was going at it for at least an hour. I didn’t pay much attention to my start time, so I’m not sure.

The entire workout was so fun that I’m looking forward to squeezing in at least 30 minutes tonight. I plan to do my workout as soon as I get home. maybe while the lil one is doing his homework and my Kingman is preparing dinner. Then I’ll take a shower and wash my hair because today my scalp stinks. I have this thing about rubbing or scratching my scalp and smelling my fingers. I know I’m not the only one! But it’s a way to keep scalp stink in check. lol.

Since I’m planning to make the workouts a daily thing, I need to get a better hair washing schedule in place. I’ve been shampooing once a week for the last few months and holding off on rinsing. Now I’m anticipating more sweating (and my head gets its sweat on) and I think I need to up my mid-weekly rinse game. Shampooing daily is out of the question. And wetting my hair daily is too much of a hassle as it gets longer. I don’t do the soaking wet hair while i’m sleeping thing. I figure a mid-weekly rinse or conditioner wash, followed by some fat twists or bantus should do the trick. It should keep my scalp relatively clear of sweat buildup and my hair smelling fresh until my weekend shampoo.

The sewing momentum has slowed. I first jumped in ready to sew up a storm just because I have two machines and knew the basics of how to USE the machine. However as I searched my mind and heart for a first project I realized that I wanted to create quality, wearable, and sellable items. So I started researching more into all the different stitch options and why they would be used. I started reading the owners manual for the Kenmore machine I was gifted. Then I started researching patterns and how to read them because I want to verse myself in garment construction and pattern making in hopes that I would be creating my own patterns some day soon. Well of course being the instant gratification loving craftster that I am, I was feeling as if I haven’t accomplished much since I had nothing to show for my efforts over the last few weeks. However today I feel encouraged because I’m confident that once I start finishing some sewing projects they will be up to my standards as far as quality. So right now there is less focus on quantity. Especially since there IS no quantity. Lol

I’ve been devouring information and wisdom from various carft sites and sewing blogs. I’ve added a few new sewing blogs to my “Places I Like to Go” link list. I’ve always been inspired by the Sewl Sista #1 and flytie, and now I’m hooked on the Neo Sew Mama. I have a preference for Sistah blogs or in other words, blogs by black women. That’s not to say I don’t like sewing or craft blogs written and updated by white women. On the contrary I have several of them listed and hyperlinked. However I am most inspired by black crafters.

The time has come for me to make myself an alter. It will be my meditation space. I’m not quite sure where to start besides finding a space at home that will go undisturbed. I talked with my Kingman about this and I’m thinking I’ll take over a corner in our room and set up my alter. This weekend I hope to go thrifting, Saturday morning perhaps. I want to search for a scale for home use, a night stand or small table for my alter, a few skirts or dresses for work and fabric.

*update*

I ended up coming home a little later than planned, watching netflix and THEN working out for almost an hour. I concentrated on my lower body and lower back. I'm so proud of me! Still no washing or rinsing of the hair. I'll have to let my Ginger Juice & Berries hair dress mask any funk for another day. You MUST get up on that La'Vida Given by Nature.

Today I was blessed to run into a Goddess I attended college with. I stopped by the grocery store on my way home to grab some juice. Somehow between going down the wrong aisle and making sure my lil one didn't run anyone over I glanced up and saw a familiar face. Instantly her name came to me. I surprised myself with that one. I'm use to people remembering MY name, not the other way around. She had her handsome little prince and told me he had an identical twin. A double blessing! My spirit was very happy to have seen her. I remember admiring her creativity with words and her proud, confident spirit back then. We exchanged contact info and I plan to link up with her soon. I hope she brings the babies!

Black Book

2008-03-31T11:48:00.000-05:00

Last night my Kingman gave me THEE most amazing foot rub. It was certainly needed since I spent most of Saturday on my feet putting braid extensions in my older sister’s hair. Last week a good friend of mine gifted me two (yes TWO) sewing machines and a storage container full of fabric. What a blessing! So this past weekend I got a chance to play around with one of the sewing machines. I’ve even got a little project in the works. I’m still in the designing stages, but very excited about what may become.

In the interim I’m still drawing up and writing down ideas in my little journal. I’m also compiling links of sewing projects I’d like to try. I’m eager to try a pair of pajama pants for the little one.

This week my lil one is out of school for spring break. He’s looking forward to going to the lake and riding his bike. And he’d like to go fishing. That’s not very likely since the lakes are still frozen. In fact it’s snowing today and I here there will be a few inches when it’s all said and done.

A few weekends ago my lil Prince and I attended a birthday bash. I was clever enough to snap a pic of me and my fro and some random Muppet character on my head. Chuck E Cheese is a set up! I spent all my tokens on that jack pot game. Why????

2008-03-31T11:07:00.000-05:00

I’m also compiling links of sewing projects I’d like to try. I’m eager to try and make a pair of pajama pants for the little one. I was thinking of making a miniature prototype.

This week my lil one is out of school for spring break. He’s looking forward to going to the lake and riding his bike. And he’d like to go fishing. That’s not very likely since the lakes are still frozen. In fact it’s snowing today and I here there will be a few inches when it’s all said and done.

Stirred, not Shaken

2008-03-22T01:30:00.000-05:00

The other day I made the most delicious stir fry ever . The aroma drifting through the house was enough to make my Kingman grab the camera and snap some (really unflattering) pictures of me.

The stir fry was comprised of noodles, lots of veggies, onions, cilantro, red and yellow bell peppers, other seasonings and teriyaki sauce. Good stuff! My lil one gobbled up all his broccoli first. I had to make him eat some of the chicken breast pieces. He's never been big on eating meat, which isn't really a bad thing, in my opinion. In an effort to get the family back on track with eating I've been preparing vegetarian meals for breakfast and lunch. And reserving meat for the dinner meal. No one has complained just yet. And this week, we've eaten primarily vegetarian because we had pinto beans for dinner two of the nights.

*note to self: buy a wok asap*

I started off this week still in a slump. I called in sick to work Monday. Wait, did I already blog that?? Well Tuesday I came to work still not feeling great emotionally. My motivation was non-existent. So much so that my nearby co-worker (Katie) was absorbing some of the negative energy. She convinced me to go ahead and treat myself to a pedicure for lunch. I love Katie. That was such a great idea. I came back to work on cloud 9. I must start pampering myself on a regular basis. I did the foot spa and pedicure. I think my toes look pretty.

I've been feeling fly the rest of the week. Check out how black and fluffy my fro is below! An elder woman approached me today and complimented my hair and went on to say how she has never been able to achieve the style. I explained to her the simple process to achieve a chunky twist out and she was a bit in awe. She also told how she recently cut her afro down to a TWA (teeny weeny afro) because she just couldn't figure out how to style it. She had an endearing vibe about her and I was moved to offer some assistance. Beautiful woman, she was.

Oh ya like that yoda speak?

I gave her my card and jotted down my cell number and 2 different website addresses. I gave her the addy for www.nappturality.com and www.LavidaGivenByNature.com

Nappturality has a wealth of information on how to care for, style and enjoy your natural hair. And Lavida Given by Nature has some of the best natural bath and beauty products I've ever tried.

Speaking of hair, I was pleasantly surprised when I realized my hair had grown a healthy length from last summer when I cut my locs off. I've been rocking puffs and chunky fros for the past month almost exclusively. On the weekends I usually have my hair wrapped in a scarf. I'm looking forward to rocking some fly fro styles this summer with my pretty toes.

LmNOP

2008-03-18T21:30:00.001-05:00

I had planned to come home, eat some pinto beans and cornbread, check my email then go to bed very early. But then plans changed when I realized The Biggest Loser was on tonight. So I told myself after eating my beans I'd watch THAT then go to bed. But then they were showing previews for Law and Order SVU. And I told myself I just can't miss this episode cuz it's the episode Mariska slaps that shit outta another character. That little clip gives me so much joy. I want to do that sometimes.

Just slap the shit outta somebody. But not in the face. Just across the back of the head like she does in the preview. OMG, you can tell it was a real slap too. I jump and giggle everytime I see it.

I didn't go in to work yesterday. It was just a long weekend and a long drive to and from Kansas. My mother put another sibling to rest. But she (and I) reconnected with such a wonderful beautiful family. I definitely want to revisit Kansas and spend some time with the rest of my family. They were just so generous, loving and welcoming. Made me feel so good.

I wasn't feel well yesterday so I stayed home most of the day. But I went to my son's school the second half of the day to give the kids a hot chocolate party as promised. And I must say, those kids are a handful. Between the crying, lying and calling of the police they still managed to touch my heart in a special way. I don't think I'll be sending my son back to HLA next year. I may blog on the reasoning for that later.

So tonight didn't go as planned. I ate my beans and also had some icecream and a brownie (or two). Watched Biggest Loser and some of SVU. Now I sit here tapping away. Wow I just noticed the "m" key is working properly again. That's great.

Guided by Light

2008-03-11T15:32:00.000-05:00

I'm seriously wanting to be home right now. Or anywhere but work. I'm growing disinterested in my job. This has just started happening over the last week. I'm not completely sure what it is. I know I closed a big deal a couple of weeks ago and have been working on other things. Work just isn't giving me joy lately. I enjoy the company of my co-workers, just not the work right now. I'll see if I feel differently next week.

This Thursday the family is driving to Kansas to attend the memorial service of my uncle. This is my mother's eldest brother who I do not personally know. I just know that I would like to support my mother through this ordeal. I know she likes to appear to be the strong sister. But after seeing how she broke down at my aunt's funeral last year, I know that losing a sibling is much harder for her than she lets on.

God give my mother peace while dealing with this loss. And allow me to be of some comfort to her.

I'm looking forward to the time away from work. I need to take a REAL vacation. And very soon. And I believe very soon I will.

Lately I've been reflecting on this mood change with regards to my 9 to 5 gig. My heart is telling me to start looking for work elsewhere. I will oblige. I'm just not sure where else I should be looking. I feel like I want to get out of the finance world. I've been dealing with finance, credit, other people's money and financial problems for about 10 years now. It's getting old. The money is good, and the company I work for is a blessing. But I haven't been able to shake this feeling of boredom and disinterest in my job over the last few weeks. I feel the need for change.

I ask my Creator to guide me by Light.

Breathing some Light

2008-03-10T21:39:00.000-05:00

I was so excited that a little bit of snow had melted and it was warmer than it has been the last few weeks. So excited that I took my lil Prince's bike over to the gas station and put air in the tires. We were outside for only about 30 minutes, but it was 30 minutes fully enjoyed by us both. I had the chance to breath some fresh air in the little bit of daylight left. He got a chance to learn to ride the bike. Win-win situation.

This logging of the food is sorta fun. It's quite eye opening. I totally messed up and drank about 400 calories this morning in the form of a Panera Bread Pumpkin Spice Late with soy milk. The only nutrition info I could find on it was for low fat milk. And I'm sure the soy option had less fat and calories, but I don't know for sure. At any rate, I need to stop drinking calories.

I'm finishing off the night with a bowl of collard greens. No meat, or salt added. And it's super delicious!

At the speed of Light

2008-03-08T01:20:00.000-06:00

There are times I observe the people around me and I find myself feeling left behind. As if the things someone else has accomplished or is moving toward in this life are things I should go after. It is in these times I must remind myself that everyones path is their own. Meaning I cannot make myself too concerned with the life path of other because I have one of my own. I have goals, gifts and a destiny of my own. And it is no more or no less divine than anyone elses.

I must continue to move at my own pace toward my own purpose. I guess I get more concerned when it seems someone has found their purpose and are living it fearlessly. I question myself, "Are you living your purpose fearlessly?" And if in that moment I feel the answer is now, I feel a bit down. My spirit starts to get anxious. I want to drop everything and just live, create, give forth all positive energy, be fully in the Light.

Oh, my heart gets so heavy in times like that. In times like these. What ifs start to cloud my mind. What if I would have? Maybe I should have... I can only pray and ask the Universe to guide me. To continue to guide me toward what is truth and Light for me.

God I give myself fully to you and I pray for courage to go forth in your Light. I pray for patience to move forward at the speed of your Light and not out of anxiousness or envy.

Moving On

So I've been trying to visualize my health goals. A few years ago I was much more diligent about what I ate and keeping physically active. With lots of hard work and the elimination of animal flesh from my diet, I was able to achieve the arms I've always dreamed of, and a stomach that I very much envy now. I WILL achieve this again. However, I'm not sure how long it will take or how difficult it may be. There are a few things I must consider. I am eating animal flesh again and realistically it will be very difficult to discontinue that when the rest of my house hold still eats meat. And to be quite honest I'm not sure how much of an affect a vegetarian diet had on my ability to get in that type of shape. I can say that during that time I kept a food log and worked out 3 to 4 days a week for at least an hour each day. I need to look into buying a reasonably priced scale for home so I can better track my weight loss. I will continue to keep my food log. I will gradually increase my daily physical activity. And I will start taking my measurements and keeping track.

I'm going to print out a copy of an inspirational photo such as the following and pin it up at my desk at work. And maybe somewhere in my bedroom. It will serve as a reminder of why I'm making the changes that I am, and reassurance that I CAN do this.

Check my out with the short hair and mid drift showing. lol.

Biting the Bullet

2008-03-05T21:22:00.000-06:00

And it tastes funny.

What does that mean anyway? I need to look that up.

Well, I’ve decided to go ahead and do something I’ve been dreading for a while. Which is to start keeping a food log. I know deep down I need to do this to get a better handle on what I’m consuming from day to day. I know I have a snacking addition. I know I have an emotional eating problem. I know there are times when I just plain over eat, eat too fast, don’t pay attention.... I KNOW!!! So I’m doing something about it.

In the past I’ve used a website called www.fitday.com and it really helped me keep things in perspective. There are things the site allows me to track that are important to me. I can get as detailed as I’d like in tracking my weight loss, physical activities and food intake. So I’m going to use that site again. I already started logging my intake today and wow... I’m already on the fast track to obesity. Seriously, I must get a handle on this. It's surprising how quickly those calories and fat add up.

Fortunately seeing what I've realistically eaten today motivated me to partake in some physical activities. I hit the heavy bag, did some sit ups and some push ups today. It was some sort of sporatic workout frenzy. Something is better than nothing. But I'd like to get into a meaningful, organized routine.

In crochet news, check out the start of a recent custom order. This will end up as a pair of dark blue wrist warmers. Another part of the order is a pair of black wrist warmers for a guy. I’ve started those as well. I’m making them in a different pattern than these so they look more masculine. Also the black ones will have a thumb hole. Because of my recent custom orders I’ve gone out and bought new yarn. Which is fun for me because I love new yarn. But totally not what I originally planned because I’m trying to get rid of most of this acrylic yarn stash. But I didn’t fully consider that winter is not over and wrist and arm warmers are nice even into spring. Those spring days can get chilly too! My customers want the warmers, so they shall have them.

I fooled myself into thinking I'd actually have the chance to crochet during my lunch break at work. Well, this week I haven't really taken a lunch break. I've been eating at my desk or on the road. I'm working on a couple of big loan requests and it seems like there is always something that needs to be done, updated, commented on, written up, etc. I enjoy the fast pace nature my job sometimes offers. But sistah is about ready for a vacation.

Completed order in Action

2008-02-29T12:47:00.000-06:00

The Spiritual Griot herself, rocking her custom made set. This woman is so beautiful. She needs to just model all of my stuff.

Completed order

2008-02-26T11:20:00.001-06:00

Check it

2008-02-25T20:37:00.000-06:00

Updated TO DO List:

purchase a blank journal to jot down ideas, designs and "to do" lists (DONE)

compile inspirational pieces and patterns for Spring/ Summer inventory (Started)

Buy rubber stamps and card stock for tags (DONE)

research digital cameras (Started)

create email account exclusively for BreathofLight (DONE)

research sewing machines (Started)

create flickr account for BreathofLight (DONE)

In other news I've been slacking in the active lifestyle change department. It's a shame really. I could be down at least 5 elle bees by now.
le sigh...
But it's not too late. The weather is warmer and now there is not as much a frostbite threat if I workout in the attic. That punching bag is calling me. Methinks I need to make a house announcement that for a certain block of time (about an hour) each night I am not to be bothered. Twill be my ME time and I shall use it for my betterment.

They grow on trees!

2008-02-19T15:10:00.000-06:00

It feels so good to make progress toward promoting and selling my hand made items. I've even been dreaming about yarn and crochet designs. It's madness! But in a good way.

I finally linked up with my home girl to get better pictures for the online shop. Check it out!

BreathofLight

And since posting up more creative, clearer pictures I've sold 2 items! That really boosted my spirits on Monday. But now I'm feeling more pressure to build up inventory.

Yesterday I used the money from the sales to order some clipboard tags, and a custom made rubber stamp to attach to my sold merchandise. I figure I'll use a cheaper and more creative method to lable my creations until I up my game and get those fabric labels. I'm going to do cartwheels when I purchase those. I'm sure of it! For now, the clipboard tags will do. One side will have my Knotty Gal logo. The other will have my online shop address and care instructions.

I started a "to do" list for my online shop:

purchase a blank journal to jot down ideas, designs and "to do" lists

compile inspirational pieces and patterns for Spring/ Summer inventory

Buy rubber stamps and card stock for tags

research digital cameras

create email account exclusively for BreathofLight

research sewing machines

The list will grow as ideas flow.

I give thanks to my Creator for the Love that surrounds me.

Calling you out!

2008-02-11T15:15:00.000-06:00

I want to give special shout out to cut2clothe since she commented she would like a pair of black wrist warmers. Sis, if you are reading this email me, I have something for you.

I've been spending a good amount of my free time creating. Half that time I've been creating for my lil Prince who has lost a few hats, mittens, lunch bags and BOOTS over the last few weeks. I can not believe he lost those boots, they BETTER be in his classroom. I can't just crochet up a new pair. I've spent the rest of the creative time building up inventory for my online shop. Which is now open at http://www.breathoflight.etsy.com/

I am fully aware at the bootleg pictures, but I really wanted to get something up ASAP. My own digi cam is busted, and my homegirl never made it over Saturday to allow me to borrow hers. Not to worry, this weekend it will happen and the quality will be much better. In the mean time please check out my shop and take a gander at the crafting collective shop which I've already sold items in http://www.cussincrafters.etsy.com/

I've been researching various tags to attach to my crochet items. I'm really going for a professional look and exchange with people who buy my things. I've decided that for now I'll create card stock tags. I'm researching a couple of vendors who hand make the supplies I need to create my tags. I'm all for buying handmade and wish to support the small business owner however I can. I guess it's not enough for me to be a business loan officer full-time. lol

The last two crowns pictured are items I custom created for swaps. I'm an advocate for the exchange of goods and services for other goods and services. Imagine the simplicity and economic fairness if the world still used that method. Who's idea was paper or metal money anyway???

I'm still in my crochet zone. I have a few more items in the works, and many more stored in my brain for future creations. Life is good!

Action

2008-02-04T22:55:00.001-06:00

Recapping the last few weeks is a task I do not intend on taking up at the moment. I will say there are many things I've been putting into action and manifesting in my life. And in those aspects I feel good! Other things (read: active lifestyle) I have not been as proactive about. Excuses never make me feel better. I just plan to do better at this.

My relationship is being tested. And my patience in this relationship is surely being tested. It's stressful but I'm upping my meditation times and breathing exercises so that I can stay centered through it all. I'm also making attempts to get proper rest on a more regular basis.

Outside of that, great news and positivity have been flowing my way. I plan now to manifest more of those blessings so that they flow into my relationship as well. We have some building to do.

In my last post I posted an online store that I'm currently selling some of my crochet creations. Very soon I'll be posting my own separate online store which will feature my creations only. This is a big move that I had been putting off much to long. But I'm ready!

Bless up!

Setting up Shop

2008-01-14T09:52:00.001-06:00

Check out the Cussin' Crafter Co-op I'm a part of! We make all kinds of goodies! And no, I don't really use profanity like that, but my homegirl couldn't think of a different name at the time so this one stuck.

www.CussinCrafter.etsy.com

I took a couple of swings at the heavy bag last night. Only by the urging of my lil Prince did I even venture up there. He's really excited about learning boxing techniques. Well, he gets excited about almost anything.

Right now my workout plan is as follows:
3 days a week
10-15 minutes of warm up and stretching: Jumping jacks, squats and various stretching techniques. I like to switch it up a bit. I may expand on this area as I get more into the routine. I've also considered just buying a jump rope and doing a 5 minute warm up with that, then lead into stretching.

30-40 minutes of heavy bag training: I haven't finalized how I will approach this. For now I'm thinking I'll just play some music and let that lead me as far as combos and such.

5-10 stretching: Concentrating on they arms, shoulders and back.

2 days a week
10-15 minutes of warm up and stretching
20-30 minutes of resistance training: I'll alternate between using the resistance bands and the weight bench. Have I mentioned we scored a complete weight bench set for $200?
5-10 minutes of stretching

I expect the majority of the time I'll be getting these workouts done in the evening after work. I hope to include at least one weekend day in the rotation so that I can get a workout done in the morning before starting the day. It will feel so refreshing!

Never Underestimate

2008-01-08T14:42:00.000-06:00

As of today I have commitments from 2 separate Half Price Books stores to donate books. I'm expecting to get at LEAST 400 books total. Possibly more. All this and I haven't even created a flyer yet to promote the book drive at my place of employment.

I must give people credit for their generosity. I think many times people don't ask for what they want or need out of the fear that someone will say no. If that's the worse that can happen, I think I'll take my chances.

So far I've been doing well with having some sort of activity with my lil Prince each evening. I don't think a DAILY activity was the resolution, but I intend on keeping this up as long as I can. It doesn't take much for him to appreciate and enjoy our time together. He's happy with helping me out in the kitchen, reading a book or making some art together. I'm going to try and get my Kingman more involved so no one feels left out.

The little one really wants to go to Sesame Street Live this month. I'm trying to surprise him with the news that he is, in fact, going. But that child is convinced it's going to happen anyway. I asked him the other day "what makes you so sure you're going to go?" and he replied "because I just know I am and I really want to." And I thought to myself, who am I to crush his dreams. He still thinks I'm on the fence about it. But I bought the tickets for him last week when he called me at work exclaiming "Mama! Sesame Street Live is gone be at the Target Center January 16 to 20th!"

Today I received an email from my lil Prince's class teacher asking if I would come in to talk to the kids about college. It sounds like a great idea, right? Well, I have no earthly idea what I would tell them. lol. Hopefully the children have questions or the teacher has a list of topics for me to touch on. I can't go in there telling them about my college shenanigans. I did well in school, don't get me wrong. But there was plenty of fun times and odd moments that I'm not sure 1st graders are ready to hear about.

Already my January calendar is filling up. Book drives, Sesame Street Live!, Twins Fest, Class Reunion planning, crafting, etc. I'm so excited about it. I have all these things to look forward to and I haven't even made plans for my birthday. OH! that reminds me, my little cousin his having her baby shower the day of my birthday.

*scribbles in calendar*
*makes note to figure out a gift idea THIS week*

I give thanks to my Creator for signs that Love and generosity are, indeed alive and flourishing in my life!

Cold Feet

2008-01-08T02:30:00.000-06:00

I've been feeling particularly tired and cold lately despite my emotional excitement about everything. The last few nights I've had trouble sleeping. And the worry over lack of sleep is making it even harder to get rest.

*le sigh*

I'm not sure what to do. It's already way past a reasonable bedtime for me tonite. I need to figure out a game plan for tomorrow night. This is especially wack since I'm so tired! I just can't seem to get comfy or warm enough to doze off. Perhaps my iron is very low. Perhaps I should drink some calming tea before bed. All holistic suggestions are welcome. In the meantime I think I'll eat some sort of spinach or collard greens tomorrow(today).

Mission accomplished!

2008-01-05T04:19:00.000-06:00

Friday we purchased the heavy bag and stand. We also bought our training gloves. They had the most adorable training gloves for kids so we picked up a pair for my lil Prince as well. He's very excited. Today, during the waking hours we plan to set the bag and stand up in the attic. I'm very excited to get started. Since I we still haven't bought a rug and stretching mat, I'll be doing my stretching downstairs in the apartment. Did I mention how excited I am??

I had a good chat with my Kingman about balancing all these things in my life. I'm trying to be better at letting him know the things that weigh heavy on my heart. Perhaps he can share the burden with me so it's not so hard.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday I used my lunch break to drop off two boxes of art supplies for my lil Prince's school. A month or so ago the school sent out a notice informing parents the kids were starting their art unit and there was a need for supplies. Various things like cardboard tubing, planting supplies, shoe boxes, old sweaters... It was actually quite overwhelming seeing all the things that were needed. So I enlisted the help of my generous coworkers. I typed up a letter as if it was written by my son, taped his adorable picture on it and taped it on a box. The letter basically stated that my lil Prince and his classmates needs supplies and anything people could donate would be appreciated. I attached the list of supplies needed. Well these people certainly are coming through! I've gotten all kinds of stuff.

Well, while there I had a chat with the family liaison and mentioned something I noticed the last time I volunteered at the school. I was working one on one with some students and they were very behind in their reading skills. So I inquired if they practiced at home. The prevailing theme was that many of the kids did not have books at home to practice reading. I guess I took for granted all parents gave their kids a little library of books. Well the liason and I threw some ideas back and forth and agreed to start a book drive for the school. The goal is to get at least 150 books by Valentine's/ Friendship day so that each student will be able to take a book home. Naturally she sort of gave me the leadership role in all of this since I opened my big mouth. But I'm happy to do this! I've already researched a potentially large book donor.

It's a local book store. I know someone who works there and the word is they have more children's books than they know what to do with. I'll post the name of the bookstore once I've confirmed I can get a donation. I also plan to have a chat with the marketing department at my job to see if they can donate some bags for the kids to carry their books home in. I'm pushing for each child to have more than one book in their bag.

I'm putting all this out int he universe for a little accountability so I don't procrastinate and also so that I can increase the chances of these things coming into fruitation. I will start making calls and contacts Monday because February 14th will be here soon.

I give thanks to my Creator for a spirit of giving.

Balance'

2008-01-03T21:06:00.000-06:00

I've decided that a big part of this year will be about finding balance. This has been on my heart for a long time now. Finding balance in every aspect of my life has been a task I haven't really tackled. I'd concentrate on one or two things but leave other things suffering and tilted in favor of one extreme. I don't want to live a life so full of imbalance.

Ive been working (and completing) quite a few crochet projects. I've been working to strengthen relationships that have been neglected. I've been eating poorly but that shall change effective immediately!

I'm happy tomorrow is a Friday. I want to spend my weekend doing what I want to do. Find some ME time somewhere in there. Gotta balance work with play.

The Typical New Year Post

2007-12-31T00:02:00.000-06:00

I give thanks to my Creator for yet another 365 days gone by on the American calendar! I guess I don't give thanks for another year until my bornday. And that is coming up in less than a month.

I give thanks for relatively good health, beautiful family, supporting friends, sisterhood, loving relationships and so much more.

I've been coming back and forth getting ready to post and changing my mind because I've had so many things on my mind. I figured I needed to find a time when I just have the energy and a clear mind to just type it all out. A few moments ago I figured, WTH, just DO IT! And here I am. Well enough of the excuses. Time to get down and dirty.

Goals for 2008
1. Make this life a healthy one, on purpose: A specific part of this goal is to absolutely lose at LEAST 10lbs by the end of the year. See now that seems SOOO easy, right? I mean I got 365 days to do it. You'd think I could drop less than one pound a month easy? Well I'm sure I could if I tried. But I really didn't for most of last year. 2008 it will happen and you wanna know why I'm so sure? Well lemme tell ya! First my Kingman and I plan on having a heavy bag by the end of January. Period. Actually I plan on having it in the next 2 weeks. lol. I'm so serious.

Having this piece of equipment will allow me to get an intense cardio workout as well as strengthen my CORE. BAM! I also plan on getting my yoga "stuff" shortly afterwards. We went up to take a look at the attic again. It's cold outside and therefore cold in the attic. So we'll buy a space heater to have on ONLY when we are up there working out. We have the area picked out for the heavy bag and a separate area for the yoga and stretching. Finally there is a third area that may later host the future weight bench.

2. Take a first time home buyer course. This is one of the many steps I'm taking toward owning a home. But I've put off this task for much too long. There is nothing stopping me from doing it. It will only cost me a lil bit of time.

3. Incorporate daily meditation time. Key word is DAILY.

4. Spend more productive time with my Lil Prince. This will come into play more in the summer and on weekends. Now it's a bit easy to get that productive time in because after I pick him up we come home, help with homework, read some books and sometimes get a board game in. In the summer I want us out of the house more going to the park and library like we use to.

5. Find more ways to express my love and appreciation to my Kingman. I've struggled with this since I met him. I have deep rooted issues that sometimes hinder me from expressing deep emotions to people. And for me, it's especially important that my mate know how deeply I care for him and love him. I hate that sometimes he has to wonder how I'm feeling. So, I'm not totally sure yet how I'll do this, but I will.

6. Create, create, create! Nuff said.

7. Get out of Minnesota for at LEAST 3 straight days. We've been saving and paying off stuff so much we have hardly thought about taking a lil vacation somewhere. I'm totally content with a simple road trip somewhere a few days. My Kingman and i always love Chicago and may revisit again. Very soon, I hope.

Sneaky Peek

2007-12-16T14:04:00.000-06:00

Just a picture of my finished arm warmers and the start of my matching panta. It's not knit, but sure does look like it! It's crochet and I'm very excited about finishing the set. More pictures an details to come later.

Bless!

Something is Fishy

2007-12-15T05:23:00.000-06:00

I've started crocheting wrist warmers to go with my fly pea coat. A few weeks back I scored a trench style pea coat from the thrift store in a royal purple. I love the fit of it. It is thick enough to warm me up during the Minnesota winters, and sophisticated enough for me to wear to work regularly. I love that it's long since I like to wear skirts and boots in the winter to work. The greatest part was that the coat only cost me $7!!! So the catch is that the sleeves are a few inches too short. BOOOO HISSSSS! Not defeated, I decided that I would just buy the coat and crochet myself some lovely wrist warmers to wear under the coat. It took me a couple of weeks to figure out what type of stitch pattern I wanted. But I have that down and I've started. Sorry, no sneak peeks just yet. Hopefully I can snap a couple with my cam phone tomorrow.

Earlier this week I went ahead and made my version of the Tilapia with Spicy Mango Salsa. I improvised a LOT. So I will just say my dish was inspired by the recipe. A few of the modification I made were as follows:
*I used plantains instead of bananas
*I used organic tomato basil broth and veggie broth in the black beans for a different flavor spin. I also would like to point out that adding tomatoes or tomato soups to bean dishes is the biz! I learned that trick a few years ago. And whenever I make my pinto beans in the slow cooker I try to add that ingredient.
*Organic brown rice was used, instead of yellow rice.
*I used a pineapple blend juice (100% juice not from concentrate) instead of lime juice in the mango salsa. I was so sure I had bought some a few days ago but was wrong. And I didn't want to go ALL the way back for lime juice I hardly use.
*I seasoned my tilapia almost totally different. But I stuck with rubbing paprika into the fish. This is something I will incorporate into fish dishes in the future since it added a flavor we haven't tasted before.

My interpretation of the dish was very delish. Um.. jeepers, that rhymed. lol. My lil Prince and my Kingman enjoyed the meal. And I'm not just saying that. Take a look for yourself! I will definitely make this dish again. Maybe one day the same as the recipe. lol.

I TOLD YOU!

2007-12-11T16:24:00.000-06:00

Well I made the corn soup last night. Very yummy. My lil Prince ate most of his. The last time I made this dish I added the amount of cilantro called for in the recipe. Well, it was a bit much for the child. He told me, "mama, the soup was ok except all the green things in there". So this time around, less cilantro. Other modifications I made were to reduce the amount of cheese used by half a cup. And I increased the amount of vegetable broth by half a cup as well. As I did on the first go round, I left out the flour and sour cream. I added a little bit more of the black beans since my family likes them. Finally, I added curry powder to the mix. If you didn't know, curry is good on almost EVERYTHING. I was so proud of how the dish looked. And I snapped a quick picture before digging in. Those are white corn tortilla chips with a hint of lime. I wanted flour tortillas with a hint of lime. But my Kingman could not find them at the store.

Today for lunch I had leftovers. I'm telling you, that soup is even better reheated! Tonight's dinner will be simple. I'm not sure WHAT yet. But I'm so tired that I don't want to put too much effort or time into dinner.

In hair news, I'm rocking a twist out from large twists I put in my hair Sunday night. What I ended up doing was rinsing out the honey and olive oil mixture. Then I proceeded to shampoo my hair with Aveda Mauve something or other to try and make the black color that is growing out pop more. Note to self, that shampoo cleanse just fine, but does nothing for the black hair color. I used my cheap suave conditioner. I believe it was Honey and Coconut scented. I put loads of conditioner in my hair then proceeded to de-tangle using a wide tooth comb and my fingers. I concentrated on getting shed hair out of my head. The reason for this is because it tends to gather at the tips of my hair in balls and knots. It makes de-tangling more of a hassle than it needs to be. But that is what happens when I go weeks without de-tangling while still rinsing and washing daily.

As I de-tangled sections of my hair I put fat twists in my head. I ended up with about 20 fat twists. I rinsed out the conditioner with the twists still in place. I used a t-shirt to blot my hair dry of excess water. I grabbed my container of Ginger Juices and Berries hair pomade (http://www.lavidagivenbynature.com/) and used that to (gasp!) oil my scalp. Ok people I have not done that in at LEAST 10 years. Maybe even more. But lately I've noticed I have a dry scalp problem and something needed to be done. I can't continue to wet my hair EVERYDAY in this cold weather and expect my scalp not to suffer. The air is so dry at home and the office so I had to do something t combat winter dryness. So I used the pomade to oil my scalp and moisturize my hair.

Wait, I take that back.... The hair pomade is oil based. So the oil doesn't really MOISTURIZE, but it does help lock in moisture that is there. After the shampoo, conditioner and water the oil pomade helped to keep that moisture in my hair. I used very small amounts on may scalp and each twisted section. As I took down and oiled each fat twist, I split them into 2 to 4 smaller twists. These twists were still rather large. I think I ended up with about 50 total twists when all was said and done.

I wrapped my hair in a satin scarf and went to bed. The next morning I unravelled each twist, then separated each unravelled twist with my fingers. This process was easy and quick. My hair, even now, is very soft and light. I have a fluffy black cloud on top of my head. I plan to wear this twist out all week and hopefully put some flat twists in this weekend and wear head wraps until Monday. This is a picture of what my hair basically looks like today. I've wanted to achieve this style every since I cut off my locs months ago. Now I need a new goal to reach for.

Big afro, here I come!

I give thanks to my Creator for another day. Bless up!

Eaterie

2007-12-09T22:15:00.000-06:00

I took a couple (literally) of pictures of food I prepared in the last week. They are camera phone pictures, so if they aren't very clear you can buy me a digital camera. *wink*

The first is a picture of salmon croquets with salad and fettuccine afredo. This was a hit for the whole family. I tell my lil Prince that the salmon is Crabby Patties a la Spongebob Squarepants. The funny thing is, he knows there isn't any crab meat in it. He knows the difference in taste between salmon and crab meat. But he goes based off of the appearance. He still insists it's not a REAL crabby patty because there isn't a bun, tomato, lettuce and pickle. The salad has sunflower seeds and a poppyseed dressing that's really tastey! It's a combo of prepackaged mixed baby greens and some baby spinach.

Next is a photo of baked tilapia, jasmine rice, sweet corn and broccoli. This was also a hit. I'm so glad my lil Prince loves his veggies. He won't eat a lot of meat, but he knows that eating his veggies makes him strong and healthy.

For the next week, I've bought ingredients for this Fresh Corn Soup recipe, and this Tilapia with Spicey Mango Salsa. Yes, my family loves tilapia. You can do so much with it. And this is a fish that absorbs the flavor of herbs and spices so well.

I've gotten so much cleaning and organizing done this weekend. Yet there is so much more to do! Our new couch is set to arrive on Tuesday and we committed ourselves to clearing and unpacking ALL the boxes. My Kingman has done ALL of that work so far. What's left is clothes that either need to be donated, trashed, or put away in the closets. I will make sure that gets done by tomorrow night! I will, I will. For now I must figure out what to do with my hair.

I initially planned on wearing protective styles like twists for the winter. Well I love my fro so much I was like "forget that man, i'm froing it out!" Well, not so much anymore. After exposing my crown to the cold, harsh air of Minnesota it's crying out. As I sit here my hair is soaking up olive oil, honey and a little water as a pre shampoo treatment. I have it covered with a plastic bag (hey, I like to recycle) and then a head wrap. I may just sleep with it like this. But what I SHOULD do is wash it, and then twist it up. Hmmmmm, it's getting pretty late. I fear I'll start twisting and never finish. And I don't want to show up at work half twisted up. lol. We'll see what happens.

Gluten and Maximus

2007-12-06T15:43:00.000-06:00

Yes, the blog title has something to do with the post.

I’ve had an apple sitting at my desk all week. And there isn’t a good enough reason why I haven’t eaten it. I’ve been hungry sitting here at my desk. I’ve needed more fruit intake. It’s been right there in plain sight. Yet, I’ve snacked on chocolates to get my sweet tooth fix. When this perfectly formed and nutritious Fuji apple would have done the trick. My discipline is off once again. And I intend on getting it back in gear. For real, for real. I brought an apple for my lunch today even though I have the apple from earlier this week. I’ve already eaten one apple with my peanut butter and jam sandwich. This (old) apple will be my afternoon snack tomorrow. I will eat it and enjoy every sweet bite. It’s really all I need to curb my sweets craving. If that’s not enough I have a small bag of microwave kettle corn popcorn. MMMM! It’s better than a Twix! I suppose my concern right now is not calories. I already know I tend to get too few calories when I eliminate animal flesh. But I want the calories I get to be worth something. And I know the best way to maximize nutrients is to eat more than plenty fresh fruits and vegetables.

Still on the subject of food (I can go on for days about it), I’ve been reading about seitan (SAY-tahn). It’s a popular meat substitute that I’ve actually tasted before and enjoyed. I’m hoping my Kingman likes it as well and decides to stop cheating and eating meat here and there. Also I’m hoping my lil Prince will enjoy it in some meals. I haven’t figured out what will be fore dinner tonight. Something easy to prepare since I’m getting a bit tired. I’m sure the excess cheese I’ve been eating has something to do with that.

I’m looking forward to hosting dinner for a couple of the DIVAS. I plan to prepare my signature coconut ginger curry with shrimp. MMMM! I’m getting hungry just thinking of it. Already one of them has asked for a substitution with just veggies or chicken. I will likely just prepare chicken separate since my lil Prince is not a fan of the shrimp in that dish. OR maybe I’ll use seitan! That’s an idea. I wouldn’t even tell her I substituted. Mmmwaahahahaaha!!!

God, I know I have the discipline within me to make better choices. I want to show my gratitude to you by taking care of this body I’ve been blessed with.

I must confess

2007-12-03T12:04:00.000-06:00

Blogger forgive me...

The peanutbutter cookies never came into existance this past week. That's ok because I was much better with resisting the treats at work. I gave in a couple of times though. Today, I'm doing good. No treats! I also slacked off on the push ups. I was doing so well!! I nibbled a really small piece of rosemary chicken that a friend made. I just wanted a lil taste.

The positive side of all of this is it's a new week. That means another chance to live right. Now I've been upping my meditation game. I bought my sage and it's hanging in the kitchen to dry out. At some point this eveing I'll burn my sage and say some prayers over the living space.

I cooked some delicious (vegan style) pinto beans in the slow cooker. That will be dinner tonight.

And my hair looks really fly. See I was going to do this whole bit where I keep my hair in "protective styles" for the cold months so I have a big full fro in the summer. But after taking the twists down from last week I realized I can't be doing all that. I wasn't feeling the look of those twists in the first place. And my fro has been calling me man! So I guess at this point I'm going to just fro it out for the most part and trim my ends as needed. I will do my best to wear a satin scarf to bed each night.

I've been moisturizing my scalp and hair with this delciious concoction a good friend of mine made. She calls it "Ginger Juices and Berries". It's a hair pomade that's solid but emulsifies in your hand. It smells devine and moisturies as it claims. You can check out her website at www.lavidagivenbynature.com . She's revamping the site, but if you send her an email she can hook you up! Tell her feeps sent ya!

At some point before I leave work today, I wan't to sort of put together a meal plan for the week so I can go to the grocery store in the next day or so. I also need to call the furniture place and confirm delivery of my new couch (screams with glee) for the end of this week.

My Kingman is such a hard worker. He's been dragging himself to work everyday to a place that he doesn't really like to help take care of this family. It's a blessing just to have him in my life.

Today I give thanks for a new oppurtunity to live better. I give thanks for forgiveness. And I give thanks for the blessings I have yet to recieve.

DIVAS

2007-11-28T08:51:00.000-06:00

This past Friday I had the pleasure of meeting up with some ladies I've known since my college days. We attended a birthday celebration of one of their grandmothers. It was great seeing them again. I haven't seen most of them in a few years. Time has been so good to them all. Just beautiful ladies inside and out. It's a blessing seeing each of us grow, mature and come into our own.
(Left to right) Ngozi, Arfasse, MEEEE!, Funmilola, Funmilola. Olufunmilola seems to be a common Yoruba name. I think it's a beautiful name. When I get married Ngozi, Arfasse and the first Funmi will be my aso ebi girls!

This next picture is of myself and Arfasse. She is a self descrived Oromo Queen. Love that gal!

Finally a shot of all the DIVAS from that night.

My entire outfit is comprised of thrift store purchases. Why am I so proud of that fact? lol.

God has blessed me with loving and supportive friends. I think it's sad when a woman says she doesn't get along with other women. I value sisterhood so I work toward building solid friendships with women who are inspiring and loving.

I give thanks to my Creator for bringing positive people in my life.

Down on my knees

2007-11-27T10:48:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I went home and made some boca burgers for the family. Then the rest of the night I either crocheted or watched tv. Heroes was on and I love that show. After that I IM'd a little bit then went to bed.

I had a bad dream last night and I woke up all sweaty and icky. It's a little bit difficult at night sometimes since my Kingman works the 3rd shift. I love sleeping next to him and having someone there to wake up to when I have an unpleasant dream.

I think it's time to burn some sage in the new apartment.

Before bed I accomplished 5 solid push ups. But I had to do the modified push ups on my knees. Tonite I'll do more push ups. Maybe I can work my way up to 10. Then I'll do some stretching and breathing exercises to relax my body and mind. And meditate for a little bit. After my Kingman leaves from work the apartment is quiet and still. It's sort of my moment to myself. I will utilize this time for relaxation and centering myself before I sleep. Hopefully that will ward off that negative energy seeping into my slumber.

New ways of living

2007-11-26T10:44:00.000-06:00

As I continue to incorporate positive health habits I realize the the old habits are harder to break than I give them credit for. Randomly snacking at work is such a mindless thing that I do. Little treats, here and there. The next thing I know I'm salivating over a huge cinnamon roll. Mmmm, with pecans....

I started keeping a recipe book full of tasty vegetarian and vegan dishes. I've got to keep eating and cooking interesting for myself and my family if we are to get back to a vegetarian diet. I want to start adding some treats to that book. At least I can control what goes into it. I can substitute honey, or soy milk where applicable. I can better limit my consumption of dairy products. At home it's actually quite easy to control these things, when eating food (or junk) prepared by outside sources It's a struggle. So at some point this week I'm going to kick this thing off by making some peanut butter cookies. It's basically a cup of brown sugar (i actually use a little less), a cup of peanut butter and one egg. They were a hit back when I was on my baking spree. So simple to make and my Lil Prince can join in on the fun.

It's also time to set my juicer out on the counter next to the blender. Fresh juice and smoothies for all! If I have those tools out in the open, next to my fresh fruits and veggies, I'm more likely to choose that over something less nutritious.

Finally my Kingman and I have started picking out our workout equipment. We have a large attic above our apartment just begging to be a workout room. We purchased some push up bars over the weekend.

In the next few weeks we plan to purchase a weight bag and stand, along with a pair of gloves for each of us. After that we want to get some free weights. Somewhere in there I'm going to buy a yoga/stretching mat. The goal is to get our home filled with things that promote a healthy way of life. It all seemed so overwhelming at first. But as we plan out these purchases and view them as investments in our health, it's becoming more of a reality.
Now... if I could just get past 2 push ups...

Leaving work behind

2007-11-21T16:06:00.000-06:00

Today has been such a high stress day at work. I'm looking forward to walking out of that door and not thinking about work again until Monday. I'm going to enjoy these few days off while I visit with friends and family. I just want to RELAX in my Kingman's arms and give my little Prince hugs and kisses. I want to laugh with my sisters and sister-friends. I'm looking forward to it. Now I just need to get a little more work done during these last few minutes. After that... I'm leaving this work locked up in this drawer until Monday.

Wishing I was on vacation

2007-11-12T13:42:00.000-06:00

This weekend we finally picked out some new living room furniture. But we haven't bought it yet. We put down a substantial amount and tucked another chunk of it away in savings. I must say I am very proud of how my Kingman and I are handling finances now. We are enjoying the fruits of our labor in the from of MONEY SAVED.

I've been visualizing overal prosperity for my family and seeing it come in bits and pieces.

Today is quite the Monday. So much work to do and I'm sitting here blogging. lol. I suppose I'll keep this entry short and get back to work.

I give thanks to my Creator for another day, and another chance at life.

Master Cleanse Journal: Day 3

2007-11-07T10:30:00.001-06:00

Mood: On this morning I felt energized despite going to bed just after Midnight and waking at 6am. Later in the morning around 10:30am I was feeling sleepy. I don't know if this should be attributed to the fast or only 6 hours of sleep when I've been getting 8 lately. But throughout the day I felt progressively worse.

Digestion: The laxative tea hit me around 4am. I woke up to mild stomach cramps and knew what it was about. Headed to the bathroom for a productive movement. Laid back down. Awoke 30 minutes later to more intense cramps. Wasn't terrible but was very uncomfortable. What was worse, not much happened that go round. BOOO! I sat there in a little pain for a few minutes, went and laid back down. I woke up at 6am since I didn't plan on doing the flush. I've been peeing all day. But what else is new?

Skin: Looks great. Pimples are gone. The little bumps on my forehead are almost gone. I've been told my skin is glowing.

Weight: Now 188 lbs. My Kingman says my face looks smaller. It looks the same to me. My clothes are fitting looser though. But I lost 10lbs prior to the fast and that was already happening. I still don't want to lose much weight. The plan is not to lose more than 5lbs during the fast. I don't think I have much control over that. If by chance I lose 5 lbs before 10 days, that will be the end for me.

Other: I've been extremely hungry. I want to eat, but I don't know what. My stomach has been growling all day. We planned on breaking the fast tomorrow since it's my Kingman's birthday and our anniversary and he wanted to have dinner at this fabulous restaurant called The French Meadow. They have tons of organic and vegan options. He wanted the crab cakes.

I developed a headache around 1pm. I was intensely hungry at that time. I thought the 3rd day would be a breeze. But it's not. Later that evening we met with my Lil Prince's teachers to discuss his progress and stayed for the Scholar Showcase they hold their monthly. There was pizza.

And I ate two slices of cheese.

And my stomach revolted.

Once I got home I made a tea comprised of freshly squeezed organic lemon, maple syrup and cayenne to combat the mucous build up that was almost instantaneous. I felt a little ill but it passed. Since I was already tired I went to bed around 8:30pm. The fast is officially broken. I plan on doing it again in the future. Possibly for the New Year. And prayerfully for longer than 2.9 days.

Lessons learned:
1. Fasting doesn't always equal zero energy.
2. The 2nd and 3rd day are HARD.
3. Lemonade with grade B maple syrup is quite tasty and will be a staple in my household.
4. Never eat cheese right after breaking fast.
5. Salt water flushes are the devil. Especially if you use the wrong measurement.
6. I CAN go more than one day without chewing.

Master Cleanse Journal: Day 2

2007-11-07T00:21:00.000-06:00

Mood: I'm not tired at all. Didn't wake up hungry. But as the day went buy I'd be fine one hour with no hunger. The next hour I'm thinking of all the food I'm missing out on. I REALLY contemplated throwing in the towel and getting me some soup or a veggie sandwich. But I didn't. I'm staying strong. But today was very hard in the hunger category.

Later in the day, once I was home, I ALMOST gave up. I really wanted to. I even put a piece of toast in my mouth but quickly spit it out before ingesting anything. My Kingman is sticking to it and this was MY idea. So I'll be strong and stick it out. One day at a time.

Digestion: I HATE the salt water flush (see below)! I went to bed last night earlier than usual. I woke up this morning around 4:30am realizing I had 30 more minutes before the alarm went off. So I just laid there resting. When the alarm sounded I got up and prepared my salt water flush. I want to throw up just thinking about the taste. I just can't take it anymore. Again I only got through half of the recommended amount. I drank it faster than yesterday but it took twice as long to take affect. So I was still on the toilet 2 minutes before it was time to leave. And even a while at work I just felt icky from the whole thing. Just a nasty feeling in my stomach, like I ate something bad. And there wasn't much solid waste eliminated either. So I'll for sure skip the flush tomorrow morning.

Skin: No change from yesterday during the morning hours. As the day went on I notice two distinct pimples forming. I was a bad girl and popped one of 'em. I'll treat it with some aloe to prevent scaring. Later in the day my skin started to feel tender. Kinda like a sunburn. I don't know what that was about.

Weight: 190 lbs. I know that seems like a lot. But you've seen my pics. I'm quite muscular in stature. I stand 5ft 7inches tall. I prefer to weigh in at 180lbs by the end of the year. Not so much for appearance, but so that I'm only carrying around 180lbs on my bones rather than 190. As previous posts indicate I've shed 7 lbs over the last 2 months just from eating better. I hope that I don't lose too much weight during this fast. I don't like the idea of rapid weight loss because I believe a person will gain it back just as rapidly. When it comes to weight loss I like slow and steady.

Other: After sharing my complete revulsion to the salt water flush I discovered I was putting waaaay too much salt in there.

*falls over*

I could have sworn I read the measurements right. But I was thinking tablespoon when it was teaspoon. And anyone who bakes knows there is a huge difference between the two. But I'm so turned off by the salt I still may not do it tomorrow. I need a break from sea salt. I rebuke it! lol

I had a comment that suggested I try a laxative tea. I'm strongly contemplating it. I bought some Smooth Move tea from Traditional Medicinal. I drank a cup this evening around 8pm. I'm praying to God that it hits me when I wake up so I don't have to be in the bathroom at work worried that someone will come in and witness what may occur.

One day at a time...

Tonight I'm up late putting tiny twists in my hair. I wish I would have started earlier in the day. But I'm determined to get these bad boys in before midnight.

Master Cleanse Journal: Day 1

2007-11-05T20:51:00.000-06:00

Mood: I felt great this morning. No real hunger. I looked for treats for a quick second then realized I was doing that out of habit, not hunger. I'm hoping to get that habit of eating in check by the end of the cleanse/ fast. No big changes in my mood through out the day.

Digestion: The flush cleared my bowels out this morning. I've been peeing all day from the lemonade. No other bowel movements. Which is a cause for concern. The book says I should have them more often on the fast. In the back of my mind I wonder if the salt water flush is throwing things off.

Skin: Today my skin is ok. It's not radiant by my standards. I've put some honey and olive oil on for moisturizer. My nose gets oily by midday but a dab of a Kleenex takes care of that. I have these tiny bumps on my forehead. They have been there for a few days now. They don't itch, but I wonder if it's from not washing all the soap or conditioner off when I wash my hair or face. There is a slight flare up on my cheeks. Hardly noticeable to anyone else. But I feel it there. I plan to keep up with my normal, wash in the morning while I shower. But now I plan to get back to washing my face at nite, before bed. Then I'll slather on some aloe vera gel with tea tree oil over night.

Weight: I didn't even weigh myself. *shrugs*

Other: I really wanted food about an hour before I was done with work. By the time I was heading out the door and picking up my lil Prince I was good. No real desire for food at the end of the day either. All in all the first day wasn't bad at all.

Pre Cleanse Pics

2007-11-04T22:49:00.000-06:00

The pictures are not of the best quality. However, that works in my favor since I'd prefer not to have half nakkie pictures of myself on the net. At least not ones that clearly reveal my identity. The pictures are just another way to monitor changes due to the fast. To be quite honest I'll be fine If I look the same after the fast. I've already dropped a few elle bees and I don't want to get too small for my own liking. A reduction in the belly would be welcome. More so a more flat appearance sans sucking in. When I suck in now I look fabulous! lol. The above pictures are of me NOT sucking in, but not poking out my belly either.

Cleanse starts tomorrow morning! I've already prepared my lemonade for drinking. I plan to wake up an hour early to do the salt water flush. Pray for me! lol. I don't want to be late because I can't leave the toilet.

"God bless me with the determination to get through this fast. Show me how strong I am."

Salt Water Flush (SWF) Trial run

2007-11-03T08:07:00.000-05:00

Preliminary Results: Please, there has got to be a better way. I followed the directions and proportions for the salt water flush according to the Master Cleanse e book I previously linked. That stuff is very difficult to chug down. So difficult that I only was able to drink half of the suggested amount before starting to regurgitate it. So I stopped there. Right now I'm waiting for it to do it's work. I pray it happens soon because my mother will be here soon so that I can braid her hair :

*I'll update final results later today*

Final Results: Well I realize that I don't have to drink an entire recommended portion to empty my bowels. I was cool and very skeptical for about an hour. Then on the way to my moms house I had to clench because it was a working. Up until that moment my stomach felt VERY icky and my tongue tasted like salt. It was unsettling to keep tasting all that salt so I grabbed a banana on my way out the door to cover the salty taste. Well the salty taste didn't go away until the flush started working. And boy did it work!

I arrived at my moms and went straight for the bathroom. Without going into much detail it was as if I had diarrhea but minus any cramping, sweating or discomfort. Once the flush started working I found the experience OK and wouldn't mind doing that again if it wasn't for the disgusting salt water. lol. How do I get around that? My good friend who did the fast somehow managed to do the flush each morning. I do not see myself doing the flush each morning. I would likely do it in the evening once I'm home for the night. I'd have to wake up much earlier than I'd want to as to make sure the flush had run it's course (it took 45 min to 1 hr today) before venturing off to drop my little Prince off to school and heading to work.

Overall, I give the experience one thumb up. It did what it was suppose to do and I only drank half of the reccomended portion. But the taste was horrible.

Again, the official fast starts on Monday. I'm looking forward to it. And my Kingman says he's on board. I'm excited to get started!

Picture This

2007-11-01T16:13:00.000-05:00

I've always love blogs that post pictures of what's going on with them. And craft blogs are a new personal favorite of mine. I'm a crafter myself and I have a lot of respect for other creators. I recently got in a few orders for crochet items from some good friends of mine. I'm so honored they liked my stuff enough to want to buy something. Here is a sneak peak at a hat for one of the sets. This one is made for a Goddess from Oromia. She wanted to incorporate her national colors. Then finally a picture of my recent creation to add to inventory. Check out some other items at http://public.fotki.com/Knotty-Gal-Knits/ .

Dear sleepy feeling,

2007-11-01T12:46:00.000-05:00

Please stop. I have mucho work to do right now. That is all.

Love,

The one who needs to keep her eyes open.

Fall Cleaning

2007-11-01T11:35:00.000-05:00

I plan to try my hand at the Mater Cleanse pretty soon. I've been mentally preparing myself for this over the last week or so. A good friend of mine just finished her 10 day fast and gave me daily updates on how she was feeling. She even took some before and after shots. I know many folks are facinated by this "lemonade diet". To me it has never been a diet. But a fast and detox. To each their own. My reasoning for trying the cleanse is to try and detox a bit and get my body and mind back on track.

I've read so much about the benefits of fasting and Have never gone past one day. I'm told the first day is the hardest, after that it gets better and easier. So I'm ready. I'm going to pick a start date soon and hopefully do a daily update on how I'm feeling and how my body reacts to the cleanse. I want the break down to be updates on my skin, digestion, mood and overall body.

Information on the cleanse can be found here. I'm using my lunch break today to read all 30 pages. From there I'll figure out any modifications I plan to make to the plan. But my prayer is I can follow it as written so I can really see how it works.

This weekend I plan to buy all the supplies. I may even start this next week. I pray for the courage to just DO IT. I was hoping my Kingman would come along on this journey with me. But he doesn't seem to mentally be ready for it. But I want to do this for me so I may go it alone.

God bless me with the strength to do what I know I need to do.

Saving Myself

2007-10-27T02:23:00.001-05:00

Remembering to take care of me
Not looking toward others
Since the God in me is sufficient
Looking inward
Searching my soul when I'm lost
Saving Myself

Shedding Elle Bees

2007-10-23T13:59:00.000-05:00

I'm down about 7lbs in the last 2 months. This is just from adjusting my eating habits. I already know what needs to be done to get my health back in check. It's just a matter of doing it. The last 2 weeks have involved cutting all animal flesh except fish (and sometimes shrimp) out of my diet. And my body thanks me for it. There is still some adjusting going on. But my skin was immediately elated and glows with gratitude.

I've come to the realization that my body does not appreciate regular consumption of animal flesh. I can live with that. I did for more than two years previously, and I'm ready to live out the rest of my years knowing and appreciating that realization.

"I will respect my body and treat it right"

Copy cat

2007-10-17T10:12:00.000-05:00

I recently put my hair in a certain style. I chose the style because I felt like it fit me well enough, and was easy to do. It took me a long time to get my hair into this style so I was determined to keep up this style for as long as possible. A few days later I'm in the grocery store and it seems like every other woman has this style. I was partially mortified. I mean I usually pride myself in my individuality even when it comes to my hair.

But am I really THAT vain that I don't want to look like the majority of the female population? Is that vanity at all? It's definitely EGO getting in the way. I need to keep that in check. I'm gunna ride out this hair style like I originally intended.

When will chain letters die?

2007-10-09T10:46:00.000-05:00

Or better yet, why do I loathe them so?

The ones I actually take the time to read and forward I'm careful to delete the message at the bottom that tries to guilt you into sending it. Who creates these things? And what joy do they get from sending them out to people? And why do people continue to send them? Do they have this deep worry that they WILL in fact have bad luck if they don't send it? Or is their belief in God really connected to an email with lil angels and smiley faces?

Going Batty

2007-10-08T11:02:00.000-05:00

I normally post blogs like this in a different space. But I cannot access that blog from work so it shall go here. Forever tainting the good vibes I have initially put into this blog.

This weekend was uneventful for the most part. I managed to keep taking my drugs so that this sinus infection could go away. I put some twist extensions in my hair. And I look right crute too! And then... then it happened!

A BAT!

I decided Sunday night to go ahead and wash clothes for the week. Really I planned on washing my son's uniforms. I'm forced to do weekly washes because he only has 5 sets. So, I gather the clothes and head down to the basement, also known as the dungeon. As I near the door that leads to the laundry room I see a shadow flicker behind me. I turn my head quickly to see what is behind me.

Nothing.

So I convince myself it was just a moth by the light. Then as I put the key into the door I heard the flutter again but it was between my ankles. I shrieked and looked down. There was a bat flapping away on the ground in front of me.

I.bout.died.

I turned and ran back up all those stairs, almost slipped and fell, the whole while screaming and holding the basket of clothes. My Kingman appeared at the top of the stairs asking me what was wrong and what happened. By the time I ran back into the apartment I was almost breathless. But I had just enough breath to have the following conversation:

Kingman: it's just a BAT they don't bite
Me: yeah, huh they do (breathing hard)
Kingman: no they don't bats don't bite
Me: they do! they bit that dog man!
Kingman: what dog?
Me: CONjo!
Kingman: who? (looking real confroosed)
Me: dude, conjo! The bat gave him rabies man!
Kingman: who da hayle is conjo?
Me: the DOG!
Kingman: :
Me: the dog in da... stephen king! In the movie.
Kingman: (wtf look)
Me: (catching breath)
Kingman: (laughs his ass off)
Me: (nervous laughter)
Kingman: you are crazy
Me: lol. or Kujo, whatever the fugg his name is the bat gave him rabies so they BITE!

/end scene

Transitioning

2007-09-22T22:30:00.000-05:00

A few nights ago I had such a beautiful dream. The details are not significant to anyone except myself. I tend to dwell on the "feelings" I sense in my dreams and build from there. The dream was a meeting where God and Myself were the attendees. I felt a tremendous sense of comfort. It was as if I was reuniting with God on a spiritual level that was for a time disconnected. And I took the opportunity to sincerely pray to my Creator and thank my Creator for the blessings in my life. And I asked God if a few of the things that I wanted would be mine if i asked. And God told me they were mine. I beamed.

I awoke the next day full of life, inspiration, and optimism. And by the end of the day I was blessed with the very things I had asked God for. God.IS.REAL.

Next week we will be signing a lease and moving into a new (to us) apartment. It is beautiful, well kept, approximately the same size as our current apartment. However, this new apartment is CHEAPER. I give thanks to my Creator for this blessing. After having a very stressful September, the month of October is looking quite promising. The rest of my life is promising.

God, thank you for these blessings! I accept them and appreciate them. I think you for telling me that the desires of my heart will be granted to me if I believe and trust that you will provide them. Thank you for you grace. Thank you for you love. Amen.

Young Grasshopper

2007-08-27T11:49:00.000-05:00

I remember years ago in Sunday School the teacher said "when we ask God for patience, what we are really asking is for God to bring difficult things in our life to test our patience". That has always stuck with me. So each time I pray and I ask for more patience I almost hesitate thinking "ok Lord what as I REALLY asking for here? and will I be ready for it?"

This morning my co-worker was showing me her new plant and asking me how to take care of it. Everyone thinks I'm this plant lady. I simpley read the instructions on the side of the flower pot. At that point she noticed a cricket was sitting on one on the leaves and she freaked out. I gently cupped the cricket in my hand then took it outside and released it. I'm not even sure if there is some kind of message in all of that or what. But the incident just popped in my mind. I'm really feeling at peace today. I've feeling more optimistic about my near future. I've been planning and following through. So I'm sure that has something to do with the good vibes.

I've also been reading my bible. My Lil Prince has a children's bible that he likes to read out of lately. Last nite the passage he picked out really spoke to me. It was something I've read before and sort of lost site of it.

Matthew 5:43-48 (New International Version)
Love for Enemies
43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

and Matthew 6:1-8
Giving to the Needy
1"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
2"So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 3But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Prayer
5"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

I do what I do not for acceptance or praise from other people. But for God. I need to remember that. Not that I've been attention seeking or anything like that. But I have been worried about what other people may think of me lately. And that worry is uneccessary because it really doesn't matter what other people think. I answer to my Creator.

Doing it

2007-08-22T12:57:00.000-05:00

I thrive on planning and organization. I know that much of the discord in my life right now stems from lack of planning and organization. Or simply half ass planning and not following through. Procrastination grows from that. I just put it off because I don't have the organization to give me confidence to just DO IT. I'm starting my TO DO list today. I want it to eventually grow into a life goals list. But for today, I need to accomplish a few things:

*Pick up the Lil' Prince's uniform shirts from the school

*Follow up call and/or email apartment leads

*Clean the bathroom

I know I can accomplish all of these things before I lay down to rest. I plan to pick up the uniforms right after I pick up my Prince today following work. I plan to follow up on apartment leads as soon as I finish posting this. And I will clean the bathroom once I return home. My Kingman will either have to cook dinner himself or wait until I'm done.

I am starting small and simple for now. I feel better already.

I give thanks to my Creator for blessing me with another day. Another opportunity to spread Love and Light. Amen.

Positive Affirmations

2007-08-15T14:54:00.001-05:00

I awoke this morning with words and affirmations spilling forth. I took a moment to breath and meditate on the positive affirmations the Creator was revealing to me.

"I am disciplined" inhale
"I will treat my body right" holding breath
"I will not put toxic things in my body" exhale

Throughout today I've been living these affirmations. And I've been building on these affirmations.

"I am conscious of what goes into my body" inhale

All of this seems to be the manifestation of my resolve to live a happier, healthier life. I was telling my family this weekend that I eat relatively healthy. But I know I can do better. I know I have done better. I will do better. This is my promise to myself.

"I will take care of you the best that I know how" exhale

Getting what I Deserve

2007-08-10T08:40:00.000-05:00

Life is indeed cyclic. And up until this moment I believed that some of life's cycles are negative and some are positive. I'm realizing that it is my reaction to certain events that brings forth either positive or negative consequences in my life. I could very well STILL be off in this theory, but the thought process is necessary for me. I'm constantly trying to reconcile things in my mind and my spirit. Trying to bring forth some peace thorough balancing all aspects of my life. And I know this is a continuous effort I will need to put forth. However, there are times I forget that life is, in fact continuous and cyclic. And I, therefore must constantly LIVE it.

I'm not big on new year resolutions. But I tend to create resolutions for my life at any moment I receive clarity or understanding. I now resolve to do my best to live in the present and to enjoy each moment of now. I believe this will greatly reduce my worries about the future and regrets of the past. I also resolve to believe that I deserve the good things that happen and will happen in my life. Now that I have some clarity that it is not my life that is negative, but my reaction to things in my life that can bring forth negative consequences. I resolve to focus primarily on the positive things in my life. Because that is what I deserve.

suc·ceed: to thrive, prosper, grow, or the like

2007-07-20T08:19:00.000-05:00

I remember reading a comment once and it had a profound affect on the way that I view some things. The comment basically said that the things that bother us so much about other people are usually the things we see in ourselves and don't like. After reading that, it just hit me that my irritation with certain people was largely driven on that theory. I then resolved to search my heart a bit more before directing negative thoughts and energy toward someone else's faults. I have plenty of my own, that's certain.

Sometimes I get highly irritated with my significant other. He shall henceforth be referred to as my King or Kingman. There are times when I'm not even sure why or where the negative energy is coming from. I have to be still and really think about why I get so worked up. Even the times where he is clearly the one who brought the negative energy, I'm disappointed in myself for allowing him to bring me there as well. And even more disappointed when I'm the one guilty of bringing on the negative energy.

There are things about him I just love. He's quite the romantic. When he's in a good mood he's my favorite person to be around in the whole world. And he does things with the best of intentions and a sincere heart. He encourages me in those quiet moments. He is affectionate. He loves me deeply and unconditionally. He loves my son.

Yet with all these amazing qualities, there are things (real and imagined) that make staying together a struggle.

strug·gle: a task or goal requiring much effort to accomplish or achieve

And a relationship requires constant effort. Some days more than others. However, I am committed. I believe in our ability to thrive, prosper, and grow together.

Metaphorically Speaking

2007-07-19T17:36:00.000-05:00

Over to under
Enter your wonder baby
Submerge into me baby
And take me to higher

Submerge within the light
Illuminate my night
And let your atmosphere surround me
Submerge within the light all night
Till we become the sun

See if I'm breathing
Because I'm not sure
Tonight if I'm alive
Words are demeaning
They can't describe

Submerge within the light
Til we become the sun
~Maxwell~

Metaphorically speaking, this song embodies part of my life philosophy. The LIGHT is God. And God is love. For me, God and Love are interchangeable and one in the same. The love of God is the Light in my life. In my spiritual journey I pray that the Light of God is revealed to other people through me. The same way the sun gives us warmth. In order to live this way fully and honestly I am in constant pursuit of God. Submerged...

I.Breathe.Light.

I suppose Maxwell was hinting to something else when he eloquently composed this piece. The fabulous thing about music is that it lends itself to you. It allows the listener to interpret and receive it as they wish.

What does it mean to be submerged in Light?

sub·merge: To hide from view; obscure.
light: something that makes things visible or affords illumination.

After looking up the definitions I run into an oxymoron of sorts. So how is it we hide from view in something that makes things visible? Does submerging into the Light of God reveal who we really are? That sounds risky. But I want to bury myself in God's love/light and allow it to reveal what's in my heart. My struggle is staying spiritually connected God and everything Light touches. Which IS, everything. This universe.

Being spiritually connected to the universe gives me peace. When I'm in a peaceful state I am more receptive to wisdom, knowledge and understanding. I suppose I'm more receptive to revelations of Light. Inhale...

I.Breath.Light